May 16 2004

Thai bar girl pukes on latest Nokia

The damp demise of my crappy old Nokia (See I fucking hate Songkran) was a good excuse to buy a new one. The food vendors on my soi are all packing the latest handsets and so they would look at my brick-sized behemoth with undisguised pity. A visit to Mahboonkhrong (MBK) on Siam Square was long overdue.

Offering thousands of new and second-hand handsets, MBK is Bangkok's undisputed cellphone Mecca but you're lucky to get a receipt - let alone a guarantee. Buying a high-end model second-hand is particularly risky because its previous owner was probably a bar girl.

The endless arguments between a Thai hooker and her "boyfriends" are usually sparked by her phone. Suspicious male callers, incriminating text messages and theatrical threats to call to the police often result in the device being hurled across the room. Also, customers often want bar girls to drink alcohol instead of cola and, not wishing to refuse, they normally end up vomiting in the toilet - and their phones regularly fall in.

I did find one used phone at MBK that didn't belong to a bar girl. The previous owner was a Thai fella who had enjoyed the affections of several different girlfriends at once. I know this because his memory card was full of their private messages and photos. A "memory full" error message kept flashing up and the guy probably thought that his phone was broken. In his haste to offload the thing, he neglected to delete 32 megabytes of blackmail material.

Buying the most desirable handsets second-hand saves you only about 10%. Once you'd replaced the fake battery and fixed the bar girl damage it would probably end up costing you more than a new one. Buying a new grey import makes more sense but caution is still required. The fidgety Thai fingers of the MBK phone traders invariably rummage through every sealed box - and they never put things back.

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I chose a keenly priced Nokia 6600 but persuading the lads on the stall to hand over the original accessories wasn't easy. They tried to palm me off with the wrong software but, as I made to walk away, the real CD quickly appeared. We went through the same charade with the charger, memory card and hands-free kit too. Naturally, the instruction book was missing so I've no idea what else I may have left behind. The phone seems to work ok, though.

My last decent handset was lifted from my pocket by some thieving slut at Patpong's Muzzik Cafe (See Appeal to would-be stalkers). However, the bulkiness of my new Nokia 6600 means that, if she tries again, I can cosh her over the head with it.

One thing I won't be doing is displaying the thing on my belt. Some long-stay farangs have copied this silly affectation from Thai businessmen. They probably don't realise how sad it looks. Flaunting a $50 handset as a status symbol impresses no one. Come on fellas; slip those phones into your pockets and get your self-respect back.

[Posted to Diary by David]

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Readers' comments

Bangkok Phil says:

I'm with you all the way Dave in the 'phone in pocket' vs the 'phone on belt' debate. Keep the phone in your pocket and keep your self respect. I love the sound of Jingle Bells on the Skytrain followed by a sudden rip of Velcro and then followed by "I not know you go meet me at Nana because you say you go meet me at Asoke' And that's the farang. F***ing sad.

May 16, 2004 6:16 PM

mr peter says:

Afraid I will be using the belt thingy as it was a 10 baht bargain at MBK. It's ok though as nobody ever rings me so I don't have to show myself up getting out the cheapest handset available. Anyone know if many of the Nokias are fakes in LOS? My mate just came back from Uganda and he said most of them there are fake lasting a few months at most. Wow I managed a post without mentioning thai music -unless anyone knows about luktung ringtones?-peter

May 16, 2004 7:04 PM

Anonymous says:

Vomit is not the worst of it. My TGF use to keep her nokia in the back pocket of her impossibly tight jeans.

Tight jeans, flares, six inch high shoes, squat toilet......

May 17, 2004 12:18 AM

Thai guy says:

My guess is that : 1) you personally had an attitude towards Thai people. 2) or you only mingled with bar girls every where you go (even in your own country) and could only look at things in one dimension.

Buying any secondhand handsets or any products always have the risk of not getting good quality. That's why they are sold in the secondhand markets. And let's face the truth, people nowadays can easily change their mobile phones, MP3, or any other electronic products pretty easily. So you also could get many new models with full range of functions associated with good quality in the secondary market.

Wake up man, and get out of the bars and open your eyes and try to look around things in daylight.

July 19, 2006 4:20 PM