August 2 2004

My Silom Soi 4 Thai gay experience

My Silom Soi 4 guava humiliation

In Thailand, the guava is known as a farang fruit - but it never crossed my mind that the locals might actually mistake me for one.

Last week, when I put on a purple shirt, my Thai girlfriend suggested that I might look better in a blue one. She's never been keen on it but, this time, I pressed her for a reason. Reluctantly, she explained that, in Thailand, men wear purple to advertise their homosexuality.

I wish that she'd told me sooner. For years, it seems, I've been walking around Bangkok looking like a slightly overripe farang fruit. This solves the puzzle of why impeccably-dressed young Thai men were always asking me for directions.

In areas popular with westerners, you can hardly fail to notice the extraordinary number of Thai gays walking hand in hand with their farang sugar-daddies. Nowhere is the phenomenon more obvious than on Silom Soi 4 - the Bangkok hang-out of the style-conscious guava. Here, well-preserved farang men sporting the latest teenage fashions can often be seen sharing special moments with their youthful Thai buddies.

Readers might be surprised to learn that I went drinking there last week - but, before anyone gets the wrong idea, I'd like to make it absolutely clear that the only dark secret lurking in the Mango Sauce closet is my never-to-be-worn-again purple shirt (See My Bali gay slur #1 and My Bali gay slur #2).

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A mate from home was visiting Bangkok with his wife. She's an innocent girl who never questions his regular unaccompanied visits so we couldn't allow her to wise-up. Unfortunately, though, my entire repertoire of tart-free bars was exhausted within two days. In desperation, we resorted to sitting outside Tapas on Silom Soi 4.

It turned out to be an inspired choice. The spring/autumn couples were all gay and, given that most women are fag-hags at heart, she found their antics highly amusing. Of course, when the average farang woman sees straight guys doing precisely the same thing, initial amusement quickly gives way to anxiety and then to thinly-disguised hatred. First-time tourists who take their wives to Patpong "for a laugh" usually end up regretting it.

Opposite Tapas, there's a shop selling sequinned muscleman T-shirts. My mate bet me 60 baht to go in and browse. It was a pleasure to take his money but, as I nervously examined some spandex underpants, my girlfriend took a sneaky snap with her camera-phone. This humiliating guava-like image is now set as her wallpaper.

[Posted to Diary by David]

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Readers' comments

Whippet says:

You were also spotted drinking a milkshake over the weekend. The evidence is certainly mounting against you.

;-)

August 2, 2004 3:16 PM

Longtime Observer says:

Farang women are pathetic puppets of primate psychology. Farang men are too, of course, but at least we get orgasms out of the deal when we visit Thailand and let nature run its course.

Few things are more satisfying than watching the birds come apart at the seams when they realize how thoroughly outclassed they really are.

August 2, 2004 3:41 PM

David says:

Whippet

Now that the holiday-weekend alcohol ban is over, I'll resume my usual habit of biting the tops off beer bottles and downing the lot in a single gulp (while farting loudly).

August 2, 2004 4:32 PM

Whippet says:

Whatever you have to do to fit in at the Polish Sailors club, David, whatever you have to do.

August 2, 2004 5:14 PM

Wanker! says:

David .... next time try the food and ambience at Sphinx Restaurant and then hang out on the cushions at Roxy out front for your drinks ... makes for a nice evening and the floor show on Soi4 is rivetting

August 3, 2004 9:59 AM

even gays don't says:

But who wear purple shirt except somebody without any style or dressing code?

I'm sorry but gays don't!!!

August 3, 2004 11:26 AM

Klaus Himmelberg says:

IMHO farang ladies are fag hags because they do not feel threatened or that their red blooded feller would be interested.

Of course they do not realise that a lot of men can hang either way depending on what is looking hot at the time. Awandering willy has no conscience.

Ladyboys for instance are an intriguing subject. Gay or not?

August 3, 2004 12:00 PM

Longtime Observer says:

The "fag hag" question can also be answered by primate psychology. When the female has "fags" around, this adds extra males to protect her, her offspring and the food resources.

In times of conflict or scarcity, "fags" are expendable without cutting as steeply into the supply of breeding males.

In times of plenty, attentions to the "fags" serves to provoke breeding males to be even more productive in gathering resources and combative in competing for her notice.

August 3, 2004 2:43 PM

Jules says:

Sorry LO, protection from the young boys in Soi 4?

What are they going to do, swing their handbags at the intruder?

August 3, 2004 4:59 PM

Mark says:

The best place to pick up straight women when I lived in the West was, of course, in gay bars on Friday or Saturday nights.

Because these nightclub/bars were (gasp) gay the music was excellent, the decor was tasteful, and the draft beer was very cheap.

I'd play pool with the butch dykes with their skinheady dainty girlfriends on their knees until about 8 p.m., and then watch all the working girls stagger in.

After quaffing copious pints until about 10, I'd "make my move" which merely consisted of making eye contact with the most attractive/drunk party girl.

You see, I had NO competition. After a couple of quarts of daquiris these tarts are ready for action, in a SAFE environment.

Unfortunately, word got out about this and soon enough big hairy men in workboots and check shirts started arriving to check out the "pussy." This upset the balance, to say the least, after passes were made.

You might imagine why straights were essentially banned henceforth. But it was certainly nice while it lasted.

August 6, 2004 12:45 PM

he_man says:

Thanks for the heads up, i've been wearing a purple t-shirt and had no idea. I see lots of thai men wearing all kinds of colors, I thought it was normal for region.

Are there any other colors I should be aware of? Hey, i've got nothing against homosexuality, don't want to sending out the wrong message.

August 9, 2004 7:04 PM

LOSTSCOT says:

Tell me its not true about the purple!

August 18, 2004 7:53 PM

gay guy says:

Hi i alwasy like to read what you arite but do you not think that you do speak bad about older gay man .i have a asin boyfriend who is 7 years younger then me but far i am not his sugar daddy .he makes a very good living by his own has his own condo (not condom smile)and car .Do acaully could belive as a straight man that gay man do not only have sex and fuck each other in the rear NO they even love each other deeply .We are togther sonve 10 year and had to go trough a lot of dicremiation in this world .why do you start now talking about suggar dadies .Do you mean we are all some sick pedos ?
i do not want to balme you or acusse you but please sometimes just give us our fredom to be part in the worlrd. we gays somtimes feel like we are some kind of ZOO in soi 4 .people come just to watch us sick people ?

August 27, 2004 8:54 AM

Andre1980 says:

OOhhh... I love Silom soi 4 and whatever others gay areas there are... hehe...

Ok... so now I'm supposed to wear a purple shirt... well... I've never had any problems hooking up with anyone there before (i've been there on 3 occations) either they are pay or not...

Maybe you should try the gay experience... what the heck... it cant hurt trying it for one time... (but remember condoms)... hehehe...

I'm in bangkok again on the 23rd of february so I think I'll have to try the purple shirt... hehehe... maybe I've missed the real thai gay crowd. :)

January 23, 2005 2:29 AM

ozricmann says:

hahahahahahahahaha...

what an extremely hilarious picture i was laughing so much i nearly fell of my chair.

excellent!

September 14, 2006 11:19 PM

Saranyu says:

You got it wrong... Tapas is the LESS gay of the bars you could have found in Soi 4! I even doubt you saw gay men and tehy fag hag here.. at best some slighty challenging straight Thai... You should have walked a little bit further down the soi and sit at The Balcony or The Telephone...

January 24, 2007 9:37 AM

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