May 13 2006

Violated by Thai ladyboys

Buy me cola

The first and last time that I ever (knowingly) bought a drink for a ladyboy was at Casanova in Nana Plaza.

In the early days, my Thai girlfriend was always pestering me to take her to a nightlife area. Whether your partner is Thai or farang, this is always a mistake but, foolishly, I relented and we ended up at Nana Plaza.

Predictably, she hated the regular go-go bars but Casanova drew her in like a magnet. Soon, she was happily swapping make-up tips and ordering "man-drinks" for all (at my expense) while I was left to fight-off a horrendous moon-faced predator with buttock-implants like shopping-bags. I felt more endangered than a wildebeest with a club-foot.

When you're in a bad situation it's always reassuring to think about those in a worse one.

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Getting an after-hours drink in London used to be murder and, out of necessity, we'd sometimes end up in a late-opening gay pub called The Two Brewers. Thirsty straights were very unwelcome here and being "outed" could result in a beating.

In a bid to sidestep the love-hungry Freddy Mercurys, one of my terrified chums wedged himself into a corner - and accidentally set off a fire extinguisher. Dozens of moustachioed Good Samaritans were soon lining up to "help him out of those wet clothes."

Anyway, I digress.

When my girlfriend used to rent her own apartment, one of its less-appealing features was a broken-down katoey living next door. Some non-resident foreign sugar-daddy was paying for his room - and his colossal amphetamine addiction.

Despite the risk of plunging eight floors to his death, paranoia regularly drove him to leap the sheer drop to hide his stash on my girlfriend's balcony. At night, we'd hear him rummaging around in the flower-pots like a huge transgender squirrel.

I try not to be judgemental about other people's lifestyles but things have clearly gone too far when you can't sit out on your own balcony without having to shoo-away the pesky ladyboys first.

Readers' comments

mrpeter says:

Everyone should have a ladyboy story and probably has. Mine was meeting a lady fashion designer on the web and then arranging to see her at a posh frock shop on soi 3. I took her, or is it him? out twice before I finally rumbled it was a bloke. Horrible feeling when it suddenly dawned on me, and looking round I realised that all the thais in the bar where we were knew all along. Some seem to get a kick out of passing themselves off as the real thing. I'm sure they get into some unpleasant situations when the penny drops for the gormless suitor. However, she did leave an expensive fashion book for me at the hotel containing Jintara wearing La Croix outfits, so not all a waste of time. I notice that many makeup artists to the stars are ladyboys and a nice bunch they are too. As a rule I find LB's very good fun, but not when they claim to be something they aint.

May 14, 2006 1:23 AM

Dana says:

". . . more endangered than a wildebeest with a club foot."

Great line--wish I had thought of it.

May 14, 2006 5:20 AM

$tu says:

my LB story is a lot funnier to me when i tell it from the safety of my sofa , with my stun gun stashed under the pillow !
it was my biggest bender ever , lucky for me i left my wallet and camera at the bar somehow .
anyhoo ...about halfway home i got tired and realised i had a long walk to go ,
resting on a kerb , 2 of koh samui finest tranny's must have smelt the fear .
they flew in like batman , and put their moves on me .
one of them tried to get me talking while the other tried to get a five knuckle shuffle going with my fireman !
altho mostly unpleasant ,my drunken stupor allowed me to giggle while they fumbled thru my pockets looking for non existent cash !

June 13, 2006 6:50 PM

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