June 16 2005

Thai shemale donkey-punch

Violated by Thai ladyboys

Beer is the Thai shemale's best friend and, after a heavy night out on Soi Cowboy, I must have looked like a soft touch. "Walking like a crab" is the local expression for my condition - and it didn't go unnoticed.

Like mosquitoes, Thai shemales prefer to hover in the shadows as they wait for their inebriated farang meal-tickets to pass by - but they're considerably more difficult to swat (or donkey-punch). The poorly-lit area beside the Asoke Junction footbridge is prime habitat and it was here that my path was blocked by the area's alpha shemale.

I cupped a hand over my groin to deflect the inevitable "Bangkok handshake" but my big-handed admirer was unusually persistent. Sensing that a robbery was in progress, I turned to catch a second shemale reaching for my wallet.

Without pausing to think, I punched the six-foot (in heels) thug who was restraining me - somewhere between the waistband of his sprayed-on silver hot pants and the plunging neckline of his diaphanous baby-doll negligee - but, instead of finding a soft underbelly, it was like punching a teak log. He barely flinched.

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This wolf in tart's clothing could easily have beaten the crap out of me but he decided to back off. Perhaps the risk of breaking one of his carefully manicured fingernails was simply too great.

I too backed away - keeping both of them in my field of view (A favourite shemale trick is to smash a high-heel through the back of a retreating victim's skull). With a parting shot of "leave me alone, you big man-thing" (Being unaccustomed to fist-fights, I've yet to develop a suitably intimidating repertoire of hard-sounding threats) I finally stumbled off into the night - wallet intact.

Readers' comments

Timmy says:

Thiis is one of the best articles I've read in a long time. It's got that long night of drinking humour to it.

October 21, 2006 8:08 AM

Anonymous says:

Tell them you will remove their eyeballs and skull fuck them sheesh. If you must smash a katoey. Soft tissue. Addams appon works best.

June 10, 2007 8:06 AM

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