Misery for Thai book-lovers

Whippet says:

"Kinokuniya" is indeed excellent, I've spent too much time and money in there. The great thing about that place is that it is next door to a large "CD Warehouse" so you can happily leave the missus gawping over Tata VCDs while you enjoy some intellectual stimulation unhindered.

Errant says:

The alacrity with which not just Thais but the rest of the world's population bent on some kind of improvement rush to the self-help genre is befuddling. For the self-help genre is in fact not at all what it purports to be: it's not self help. It's somebody else helping you, or claiming to help you.

Some hot Thai tottie on the covers of a few such publications though. That saves them.

mr peter says:

When I've nothing better to do I like to visit a thai bookshop and ask where are the books on thai music. They never have any because there almost are none. This does not stop them coming up with something though and I have even been offered a book on Mozart, not thai music but thai book was the explanation. If you do want a book on thai music (not string crap) luktung FM sell them for 200 baht, very good they are too.-peter

Stephanie says:

Can this be possible! David posted this article about 10 hours ago and as yet there have been no quotes from the ubiquitous John U and Tanai Kwai. If this situation continues, I sincerely congratulate David.

Come on boys - at this point you'll be losing your your 'Rent a Quote' reputations. You must have something to say about Thai bookshops.

Tanai Kwai - if you don't come out with a couple of paragraphs of abuse about me, then I'll be very disappointed...you'll have broken the habit of a lifetime (at least John is usually quite funny).

John U says:

Hi Stephanie,

I've been busy most of the day, and haven't given it much thought. At the moment I can't think of anything that's the remotest bit funny about Thai bookshops.

Maybe I'll get a flash of inspiration later.

This may give you a laugh Stephanie. Some of my friends just came back from LOS. (I couldn't go this time - so sad).

Anyway, we always go to the same hotel and bars and the girls know us well. There was a particular lady that used to really turn me on (She still does to tell the truth). I used to see her every time I visited the kingdom and it was getting a bit serious, but I always felt there was something not quite right. In the end I called a halt.

The other girls told my friends that she is a lesbian !!!!!!!

Fuck me how humiliating. They told me last night in the pub. Ever felt like melting away ??

Sorry guys, I know this is giving ammunition to the Thai lady haters, but fuck it. That's life.

John U says:

Stephanie,

Just another thought. Why would you congratulate David, because he's somehow prevented Tanai and me from adding a comment?

All it means is he's picked a fucking boring subect, and the two of us are fucking stumped on a comment.

And why wouldn't you want us to write anyway?

Dick Headley says:

How awful for you! One of my fondest memories is of a 2 week trip in Northern Thailand with a Thai lesbian. She was stunningly beautiful but she wouldn't have it. Liked to watch me doing it with other girls though. One night in Chiang Rai in a guesthouse called Ya House (long since burnt down) I did finally manouevre her into the right position. Happy days....

usvirgin says:

John U,

I see nothing to feel humiliated about, other than maybe missed chances to have her mates join the two of you. I'd see it as a positive that a lesbian would go with (even be serious about) you, as I'd guess they'd tend to be rather picky about their men. I'd give it another whirl, if I were you.

Stephanie says:

Who said anything about not wanting you to write John? Didn't I mention that you were normally quite funny. My. my, you are being touchy today.

My comment was because you and TK normally fire your postings off so quickly that I feel as if David's articles might be the highlight of your day. Sorry for the prejudice as you are probably a very well balanced guy but cyberspace allows us to have our vision of other authors, however misguided they may be.

Mind you, you surely can't be serious by defining David's articles as being boring if neither TK or yourself make a comment. Wow! Nothing wrong with your ego, big man. I'm sure David's distraught if he doesn't get the honour of a posting from you. Still, you must demonstrating that famous British irony, eh?

Thai lady haters? Yep, plenty of them out there. Not me though - in fact, I am a Thai lady. Married to a nice American guy who treats me well. Even lets me read this website.

I'm off, guys. Regular postings aren't my scene. Keep up the good work, David, and just some advice to John and TK that, unlike when my well endowed hubby gives me a seeing to, sometimes when it comes to postings less is more.

(Sorry TK - I know you don't like advice).

Adios.

Steph

TANAI KWAI says:

"Stephanie":

You write:

"Tanai Kwai - if you don't come out with a couple of paragraphs of abuse about me, then I'll be very disappointed..."

I suspect this isn't the first time you will have been disappointed. Nor are you the first to beg for me to hurl insults in their lonely direction. But in your case, Stephanie, I salute how plain-spoken you are about it. In fact, when I read your post I said to myself, "Self, you've been looking for a woman like Stephanie for a long, lo-o-o-ong time."

But then it struck me... I recall only one other contributor to this forum who seemed to be governed by an impulse (a sort of death wish, really) to go after BOTH John U. and your humble barrister-buffalo in each of his posts. And that would be this sad spectacle:

http://www.ianherbert.com/

While those of you party to the Channon chronicles will attest, I am no Sherlock von Einstein when it comes to divining such things. BUT WHAT IF I AM RIGHT? Good God, John U.! At least you were enjoying the favors of a lesbian (and since when is there any shame in that)? I, on the other hand, was aroused and perilously close to getting off to THIS:

www.ianherbert.com

But let's get back to us, darling. Your careful and not-a-little-flattering review of each of my lengthy posts surely led you to notice that I only regale the readership with biting observations about those who have something to say that is actually offensive to somebody.

Aside from exhibiting the same kind of insouciant arrogance that passes for personality in my posts as well as in yours, your last tender missive to me was lovely. No one would dispute, for example, that John U. is funnier than I am. (For goodness' sakes, the man dates lesbians.)

The trouble is not what you say, turtle dove -- but what you do not say... which is a lot.

You are full of bilious criticism -- the cherished lifeblood of this harsh shit factory of diseased intestines -- but to reply to you is to box shadows, my sweet. Try writing something and maybe you will feed the beast something worth examining in its stool.

Though you have derided my fondness for the wiser sayings of others I would offer you Al Capone's famous words to the Pope:

"You no play-a the game, you know make-a the rules."

So, my juicy goong dumpling, whoever and whatever you are, don't hesitate to put some teat in the game.

(winky)

John U.:

"All it means is he's picked a fucking boring subect, and the two of us are fucking stumped on a comment."

Hear, hear! David's post on Thai bookstores sucks doubly (see Lucy Thai's film "This Mouth Ain't Big Enough for The Two of Us... Or Is It?") because:

(a) it just sucks the first time; and

(b) because, as a self-help author myself (scary, I know), David unwittingly taunts me, reminding me that my editors impatiently await my next installment of feel-good, high-octane motivation while I sit here making sweet cyber-love to Stephanie in the faint hope that she doesn't sport a goatee and a low forehead best suited for the Smithsonian.

(winky)

TANAI KWAI says:

Alas, Stephanie, we are like ships that pass in the night.

Had I known you were so amply supplying information about being a Thai lady married to a nice American who gives you a "seeing to" with his penis I would have certainly revised the above.

And you and your American husband must also live in London, right? And you are obviously the beneficiary of a U.K.-style education and upbringing, am I correct? Needless to say, you also speak Thai.(?)

Again, thanks for filling in the blanks. You are no longer just a mere fantasy.

(...)

Stephanie says:

TK,

You have encouraged me to post again - forcing a humble Thai girl to break her word proves your manliness.

You are a genius and youir assumptions about me and my whereabouts are correct - based in Hammersmith; educated in Illinois (sorry for boring people with this).

I wish we could have met - we could have made such sweet music together. Just don't ever compare me again to Ian Herbert (either of them!) or I may have to spend a fortune seeking you out with a sharp machete.

Take care my lost love.

S

Dick Headley says:

This is all quite fascinating. Notice gentlemen how the delightful Stephanie manages to get her points across succintly and without resorting to macho obscenities. Her husband is clearly a man of taste. Let us hope nothing dreadful happens to him.

TANAI KWAI says:

Oh, Stephanie... what could have been.

Permit me, just one last time, to quote D.H. Lawrence's most saucy work:

"There's lots of good fish in the sea...maybe...but the vast masses seem to be mackerel or herring, and if you're not mackerel or herring yourself you are likely to find very few good fish in the sea."

Please favor us with a swish of your tail every so often. The water's fine.

(...)

[Yes, gentlemen, I know, the fishing's fine. But occasionally we could use some true female wisdom to temper the ph.]

TANAI KWAI says:

Dick, you stole my thunder you charmer.

shack says:

oh for chriSts sake,

will you lot of egotistical shitpigs just wind your fkn necks in and shut the fuck up?

for god's sake, no one is interested in who you are, what you do, blah blah fkn blah...

your all burn outs and losers like the rest of us

give the self serving me me me shit a rest and lets talk about interesting Thia subjects?

fuckin hell you lot bore me rigid

TANAI KWAI says:

Tag you're it, shit-for-brains.

(wniky e)

Roger Mellie says:

Tanai. Please can you limit yourself to one posting a day. You really are very boring.

TANAI KWAI says:

SHACK:

I know this will probably not be met kindly but I feel my last post was ill-considered. The "teh" lads are the heart and soul of this board, were here before I was, and will be here long after I'm gone (a date Roger and others would obviously like to hasten). There is a kind of poetry in these posts to which I do not even aspire. It is a bit like jazz, really. Fluid and ethnic and effortlessly entertaining.

Roger:

I am sorry I have failed to brighten your day. Depending on your time zone I may be violating your request in even responding. I would be more inclined to honor your request if you had a bit more to say, since you lead me to assume you are a fascinating guy.

I will do my best in the future to meet any standard of entertainment you set.

(...)

TANAI KWAI says:

Shit, Roger, here I go again but I just had to admit...

I read my last posts on this thread and they really were fucking awful. It's no excuse for any other day but I was under the weather today and sick in bed.

When you're right you're right.

(no winky)

John U says:

Hi Stephanie,

Hmmm, I suppose I did sound a bit arrogant, but you must remember it is after all only my humble opinion. I'm not egotistical enough to believe everybody thinks the same... obviously not.

I do tend to dash these comments off pretty quickly. Perhaps I should pick my words more carefully in future in case I offend someone. Wouldn't that be awful. (shock horror)

I'm confused though Stephanie. You did say "If this situation continues, I sincerely congratulate David". That sound to me as if you don't want to hear from me. (sigh)

Regarding the speed with which I react to David's stories, I think you'll find that I normally do not react to his stories, apart from a couple. I seem to join the fray after a few comments have already been made.

Even you couldn't think of a comment on Thai book shops. You did comment on Tanai and me so my deduction is that you sure find us interesting, or whatever other adjective you may use. But whatever, you were prompted to write because of us. Your first effort, as far as I know, and we seduced you into writing. Some achievement eh? (smiley)

shack says:

NO - honestly will you two fkn button it?

JOhn U and Tanai Kunt

fk me, who do you think you are?

go and set up your own web pages - use them to describe how wonderful you are

cunts

Huup Pbak! says:

Shackman: Couldn't agree with you more! You probably speak for about 99% of the viewers of this site. If they wrote something funny it wouldn't be so bad. But damn, it's just boring. Shut yer gaping holes, you stank old washed-up drunks!

John U says:

Har, har, har, har, har.

Well it's Saturday morning and at the moment I've got nothing better to do than look at some silly postings.

I've had a good laugh so far, but shack and huup pbak have soured the mood. Lighten up you two. Life is too short to be miserable fuckers like you.

Have you been practising to be arseholes all your life, or were you born like that?

What do you think Tanai? I reckon some people hate intelligent comment, original thought, and biting criticism. I leave the biting criticism to you - you are fucking A1 at that.

Mick McManus says:

This is an entertaining site and the post boards used to be fun too until those two cunts John U and Tithead Kwai took over. Fuck off the pair of you. If I had the chance to gO a few rounds with you I'd break off your typing fingers and ram them up your fucking arses.

TANAI KWAI says:

John U,

Banner morning. David and Errant take top honors.

As for Shack, what's not to love? He is a man performing at his peak in life and love. We know little about him but I reckon he's a leader in the world of high finance or perhaps nano-surgery.

HUUMP ASS! is a more mysterious quantity. While Shack is clearly a credit to his race, HUUMP seems to be capable of only faintly imitating Shack's style -- probably in an effort to spark an off-line romance. Diagnosis: Should have been aborted.

HUUMP,

You aren't woth the steam off John U's piss. I am 99% sure you have extremely limited propects and little contact with anyone who does. This board is beyond your ken, except when Shack drops trou and unloads another messy thought. Yes, the nameless lout who fathered you was a washed-up drunk. But get it through your head: I AM NOT YOUR FATHER. I rarely even drink.

I'll never understand these lazy dolts who can't put down their dicks long enough to post anything more than a dim-witted slag. Bunch of jerkoffs.

(winky)

Huup Pbak! says:

Once again, your posts are not "intelligent comment, original thought, and biting criticism". Get over yourselves. You're boring.

TANAI KWAI says:

Jaysus!!!!!!!!

HUUMP if you and your kind populated this board by yourselves it would the written equivalent of monkeys smearing their feces in descending parallel lines:

SHACK: Fek off you fkn kunt.

HUUMP: You're boring, mate. Get over yourself. I'm 99% sure people think you're a twat.

DICKMANUS: "If I had you in a room I'd jam my fingers up yer arses I would. I'm a toof guy I yam."

HUUMP: In Shackman's arse? Or in my arse? I'm 99% sure I'd like your fingers in my arse. Can we talk off-line?

SHACK: oNE of yoe fkng cunt s say somthing fun ny. !!!

God Almighty.

Nonetheless, I like Shack's panache.

(...)

mikky says:

At least there are people out there like me that laugh their heads off while reading your material. On a rather nasty monday with a terrible hangover, this was just what i needed to feel better in some bizarre way. This website and the people that envolves around it is hillerious :) I love your comments!

Keep it up!