September 16 2004
The Vampire of Siam by Jim Newport
With twenty million dollars in the bank, it goes without saying that Bangkok-based film critic, Martin Larue, enjoys the finer things in life. The poor over-privileged lad is feeling a bit jaded, however, so when impeccably-dressed French vampire, Ramonne, chops off his bodyguard's head and drains it like a ripe coconut he jumps at the chance to hang out with him for a while.
As well as sharing an interest in fine arts, extravagant living and exotic eastern culture, Martin and Ramonne also enjoy shagging prostitutes together - although Martin feels a little uncomfortable with Ramonne's tendency to carve them up and hurl their lifeless bodies from high balconies.
Aside from a bit of nagging from Martin's girlfriend, the Thai women in the book never utter a word. Their sole contribution to the narrative is to moan in ecstasy as they're having the blood sucked out of their labia - usually on tombstones.
In fairness, though, Ramonne isn't all bad. He sometimes vents his insatiable bloodlust on Pattaya paedophiles and other undesirables. He also has a soft spot for the girls of the Eden Club who normally escape with just cuts and bruises.
Eventually, though, the friends fall out over body-disposal issues and Martin becomes convinced that the evil Ramonne must be destroyed.
August 19 2004
Laundry Man by Jake Needham
When the barbed-wire swathed body of one of his Washington law partners is found weighed down in a swimming pool, renowned money laundering expert, Jack Shepard, wonders if he's chosen the right career.
The surprise offer of a professorship at Chulalongkhorn University finally persuades him to relocate to Bangkok - but his hopes for a quiet life are soon dashed.
Shepard's past comes back to haunt him in the shape of a phone call from his supposedly dead law partner, Barry Gale, who has reinvented himself as the front-man for the Asian Bank of Commerce - an international bank notorious for its involvement with crime syndicates, terrorists and intelligence agencies.
This isn't a social call, however. The bank has been cleaned out by a massive accounting fraud and Gale knows that his mafia cronies will be less than impressed when they find out. He wants Shepard to find the missing millions - and then to steal them back.
Laundry Man by Jake Needham is a stylish and intelligent thriller set against the background of corruption and money laundering in Asia. Dark secrets are revealed and old loyalties are tested as Shepard follows a trail of deceit that leads him from Manila to Bangkok to Hong Kong and, finally, to Phuket.
April 29 2004
Misery for Thai book-lovers
Research reveals that the keenest web-surfers, far from having shit for brains, are also the most avid readers. After giving ourselves a pat on the back for being Renaissance men, let's now affectionately take the piss out of what Thai people jokingly refer to as bookshops.
A love of books is seldom instilled into Thai school kids so their recreational reading rarely rises above the level of the humble comic book - a preference that often survives into adulthood. Bookshops are therefore pretty thin on the ground in Thailand.
Those that do exist offer shelf after shelf of unrelenting dreariness - the literary equivalent of daytime television - often with cringe-making titles like "Smart successful people." Here's a random selection (pictured) from the top Thai language book retailer, Se-Ed Books:
- Tips for dog owners that will be totally disregarded, leaving the scabby hairless mutts to roam the Kingdom's sois on their three good legs;
- Yawn-inducing health and beauty advice with the emphasis on skin-whitening quackery;
- Hard hitting home-truths from a bloke in uniform who reckons that he's pretty tough but also fair minded;
- Baby care misinformation with a scary-looking cover-girl;
- Silly girlish nonsense;
- Wise words from the men in orange.
Then there are the "business" books aimed at thrusting Thai executives. Fortunately, reading these weighty tomes is quite unnecessary - their sole purpose is for use as office props. Crucially, though, the term "CEO" must appear on the front cover in big gold letters.
April 19 2004
Fast Eddie's Lucky 7 A-Go-Go by David Young
If you've washed up in Thailand and are wondering where the hell your life is going, you'll probably wish that you knew someone like Fast Eddie, proprietor of the Lucky 7 A-Go-Go and affable svengali to a rag-tag band of Chiang Mai English teachers who struggle to be decadent on 30,000 baht a month.
In the wake of a near-fatal heart attack, however, Fast Eddie's priorities change and his fun-loving friends are horrified to discover that he now questions the wisdom of his lurid sex-pat lifestyle. His surprise decision to sell the bar precipitates a complex web of intrigue.
The underlying theme is redemption but the big idea develops quietly behind an engaging parade of farang misfits and Thai hookers who play out their relationship difficulties for our voyeuristic reading pleasure. The author covers ground which, in less skilful hands, could have descended into cliche but which, instead, takes Thailand fiction to a new level.
In fact, I hesitate to label Fast Eddie's as "Thailand fiction" because the term has slightly negative connotations - like "local newspaper." In my opinion, the book has broader appeal than most in the genre and could easily find an audience without flaunting its Thailand credentials. It's a thumping good read and the characters are so believable that they must be based on real people.
March 23 2004
Losing the Plot by Chuckwoww
Bert, a Harley-riding fuck-up from Orange County, contemplates his balcony death-plunge in Pattaya. Backpacker Danny finds a parcel of drugs in a Samui internet cafe. Narm leaves her daughter in her brother's care only to discover that he has raped her. Lonely ex-pat Beth realises that her male co-workers have more fun when she's not around.
To judge Losing the Plot by its awful cover would be a mistake. It contains some seriously good writing. However, it also needs some seriously good editing. Many of the individual tales are interesting and well-written but they are strung together in a rather contrived way. The book would work better as a collection of short stories.
The central character, Chuck, is a regular Mr Nice Guy who works at the US Embassy in Bangkok. Being the narrator, he gets far more attention than he deserves. The screwed-up support characters are much more engaging and I found myself wishing that Chuck would take some annual leave so I could read more about them.
March 9 2004
Rough treatment for Thailand sex-tourists
Thailand is a popular sex-tourist destination but politically-correct guidebooks, such as The Rough Guide, offer somewhat biased advice. According to them, gay sex-tourism is perfectly ok but a straight bloke doing exactly the same thing is a lecherous punter. Here's a quote from Thailand: The Rough Guide which illustrates where they are coming from:
February 22 2004
Apsara Jet by Nicolas Merriweather
The Apsaras of ancient Angkor were said to be beautiful immortal seductresses whose sole purpose in life was to have eternal sex with Khmer heroes. The middle-aged American heroes of Apsara Jet by Nicolas Merriweather are thrilled to discover similar qualities in the mortal girls of present-day Cambodia and Thailand.
Apsara Jet is the story of John Jackson, a once distinguished airline pilot now reduced to alcoholism and living in his car. Captaining a Cambodian cargo jet for the dubious Chen-Wa Organisation is his last chance for redemption. He recruits a couple of Vietnam War buddies to be his first officer and flight engineer.
Eschewing condoms, the three ageing aviators cut a swathe through scores of hard-bodied Asian teenagers with little more than a splash of Old Spice for protection. Laughing in the face of prostate cancer, they impress the locals with their Viagra-free but rock-hard erections. The prevalence of budding breasts and wisps of pubic hair suggests that they're not checking ID cards either.
The recklessness that our heroes display in their personal lives inevitably spills over into their work. Their involvement with Burmese drug lords and the Russian Mafia ultimately ends in double-cross and a terrifying mid-air collision.
December 13 2003
Thai: An essential grammar
Learning Thai from bar girls is jolly good fun but, if you end up talking like a hillbilly hooker, other Thais won't be too impressed. Chatting up a respectable girl with the Thai equivalent of "You girl good heart. Where you stay? Sleep alone no good!" will get you precisely nowhere. It's time to jettison the slang and take some grammar lessons.
Very few books teach Thai beyond beginner level. Thai: An essential grammar by David Smyth is, so far, the only decent one that I've found. It's also concise and user-friendly. Despite its lofty academic credentials, the book is straightforward and jargon-free. The correct use of grammar is demonstrated through numerous examples. Guidance on pronunciation, speech conventions and the Thai writing system is also included.
I'm a big fan of David Smyth. One of the world's top Thai language experts, he teaches at the School of Oriental and African Studies in London. I've already reviewed his basic Thai course - Teach yourself Thai: A complete course for beginners. He is also the co-author of the excellent Linguaphone Thai course.
December 2 2003
Oxford-Duden Pictorial Thai & English Dictionary
Imagine that you were asked to describe to a Thai audience the technical failures that lead to the Challenger space shuttle disaster. If you tried to look up "recoverable solid rocket booster" in a normal English-Thai dictionary, you would get absolutely nowhere. Only the Oxford-Duden pictorial dictionary could help.
November 16 2003
Heart talk: Say what you feel in Thai
Best known for his thrillers, Thailand-based writer Christopher G Moore has ventured into non-fiction to give us a fascinating insight into how Thais describe their feelings with their hearts.
In English we have a few expressions like soft or hard hearted but Thais take their heart phrases much more seriously. Their hearts can be black, cool, diamond, dry, lost, open, merged etc and hundreds of other variations. Moore's book explains 330. It also illustrates the gestures that accompany them.
Thais are never at a loss for an exact heart phrase. However, no Thai/English dictionary covers their full range and subtlety. With its careful descriptions and practical examples, Moore's book comprehensively fills the gap.
October 30 2003
Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
I bought Memoirs of a Geisha as a holiday time-filler without knowing that it was already a literary sensation and runaway bestseller.
Like countless others, I was enthralled.
The following review says it all:
This brilliant debut novel tells with seamless authenticity and exquisite lyricism the true confessions of one of Japan's most celebrated geisha.
Speaking to us with the wisdom of age and in a voice at once haunting and startlingly immediate, Nitta Sayuri tells the story of her life as a geisha. It begins in a poor fishing village in 1929, when, as a nine-year-old girl with unusual blue-grey eyes, she is taken from her home and sold into slavery to a renowned geisha house. We witness her transformation as she learns the rigorous arts of the geisha: dance and music; wearing kimono, elaborate makeup, and hair; pouring sake to reveal just a touch of inner wrist; competing with a jealous rival for men's solicitude and the money that goes with it.
September 30 2003
Private Dancer by Stephen Leather
Stephen Leather
Writer meets Thai bar girl, falls in love and lives to regret it. This is how Stephen Leather describes his unpublished book, Private Dancer. Tina Turner was unavailable for comment.
The story is told from the viewpoint of each of the main characters. This device allows readers to understand their clash of motives. Our hapless hero applies his western notions of love and honour to the wrong woman and his downfall soon follows. This is gripping stuff and painfully authentic.
Although Leather is a popular thriller writer, he can't find a publisher for this work. Perhaps it is too politically incorrect. The good news is that you can download it free from his website. Read it before you even contemplate a relationship with a Thai woman. If it's already too late, read it to find out where your life went wrong.
Private Dancer can be downloaded in PDF format:
www.stephenleather.com/unpub.html
September 22 2003
Teach yourself Thai: A complete course for beginners
Many low-cost books claim to offer a complete Thai language course for beginners but, in my view, this is the only one that does the job properly.
The author, David Smyth, is one of the world's top Thai language experts. He teaches at the School of Oriental and African Studies in London and is also the co-author of the excellent Linguaphone Thai Course (See Learn Thai & woo Thai girls). His approach is well thought out and accurate. Most other courses look amateurish in comparison.
The book is suitable for both beginners and intermediate learners. It has 15 graded units of dialogues, culture notes, grammar and exercises plus a Thai-English vocabulary, a pronunciation guide and lessons on how to read and write in Thai too. It covers about 30% of the same ground as the Linguaphone Thai Course and is much cheaper. If you don't want to splash out for the best, this is a reasonable alternative.
Previously
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
December 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
