April 26 2004

Tata Young: An apology

My previous piece about fluffy Thai songstress Tata Young stirred up a hornets' nest of controversy (See Tata Young: Sexy, naughty, bitchy) and many of her weeping fans emailed strongly worded complaints in a language that was similar to English - except considerably funnier. Some hurled their brickbats in Thai but, since they were merely turning over the rubble of earlier attacks from their more expensively educated peers, translations were deemed unnecessary.

There's obviously been a terrible misunderstanding. Despite Tata's dreadful music, the truth is that I'm actually very fond of the little minx. In fact, now that Paradorn is out of the picture, I propose to woo her myself.

Hi Tata

I think that we got off on the wrong foot last time so I'd like to begin with an apology. While I still maintain that your stage outfits are somewhat conservative, I was wrong to compare them with those of "Queen Victoria's Grandmother."

I'm now in possession of a dusty sepia photograph dating back to 1871 which clearly shows her majesty posing stark bollock-naked on the stage of the Hackney Empire in East London - with only a potted plant to hide her modesty. I apologise unreservedly for the error and for any embarrassment that it may have caused.

I would say in my defence, however, that your "69" pendant (seen here on the right) was an obvious sexual reference - amusing to your select group of hi-so friends, no doubt, but going safely over the heads of your naive fans.

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Although we have little in common - except perhaps mild contempt for your devoted fans (in my case, tempered by pity) - I feel that you and I could be friends and, in time, maybe something more. I don't want to raise your hopes too much, though, because if Lena Li rode by on her powerful motorcycle, I'd drop you like a bad smell.

Until that day comes, though, it's just you and me. We've established that you enjoy cunnilingus and, although it's a bit of a chore sometimes, I'll consider pleasuring you in this manner so long as you can agree to my terms - which are non-negotiable.

You must remain 100% true to me. Another gentlemen's contribution to your happiness must never come spilling out at the worst possible moment.
Your naughty bits must be inherited from your Thai mother and not from your farang father. I dimly remember the days when chopped liver was the only dish on the menu but I now prefer to nibble on a cute little mouse's ear.
That you should shower first is almost too obvious to mention but I'm including it anyway, just in case you become pedantic later.

Once you've confirmed that my terms are acceptable, we can then embark upon our little romantic adventure. My "roadmap to love" includes a short period of flirtation before moving swiftly on to the satisfying main course of rough kinky sex. Boredom will inevitably follow, of course - bringing with it irritation at each other's little quirks - and, at that stage, we might want to throw in the towel before the whole thing descends into bitterness. Perhaps we should just settle for an uncomplicated shag once in a while but it's your call, Tata.

Your fans will eventually grow out of their childish crushes but, like me, will probably look back and remember you with fondness. I also feel that they will come to regret the harsh criticism that they once levelled at me.

In ten years time, ex-Tata Young fans will dread exposure. One slip of the tongue will have them scurrying tearfully for the nearest exit with the laughter of people who once respected them still ringing in their ears. I, on the other hand, will still be free to brag about how I shagged the arse off you while you were still good-looking.

Come on Tata; I know we can make this work.

Regards
David

When Tata Young's fans discover that their idol has fallen for the worldly charms of an older man, they may become insanely jealous. When we appear together on prime-time TV talk shows, laughing and holding hands, this may combine with the pressures of life at school to whip up a storm of bitterness and hatred. Clearly, I need to have a viable exit strategy in case things go tits up.

Older readers may remember a long-running American TV show called Dallas. It revolved around the glamorous exploits of super-rich Texas oil barons and their overdressed wives. For its day, it was quite engaging but a series of dramatic but poorly conceived plot twists ultimately boxed the show's writers into a creative corner.

They extracted themselves from this predicament by having a character called Bobby Ewing wake up from a dream - one, as it turned out, that had spawned practically every episode in the third series. The slate was therefore wiped clean and, with one bound, they were free. The show still bombed, of course, but you had to admire their audacity.

If a lone Tata Young fanatic managed to track me down, I'd laugh in his spotty face but tackling a huge mob of them could see me ending up like that unfortunate grasshopper on the Discovery Channel that gets overwhelmed by a swarm of merciless biting ants at 9.45pm every weekday evening.

To prevent this unhappy spectacle from being re-enacted on my own doorstep, I reserve the right to delete this page and then to invoke the "Bobby Ewing" defence. Re-writing history is a joint effort, though, so I'm relying on readers back me up.

[Posted to Asian Babes by David]

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Readers' comments

smee says:

ah ..the teeny bopper idol..
will you still stick by her when she descends into the rich and famous hell that is defined by alcoholism, sex orgies and intravenous drug use or will you shoot thru like the fluid from a pre-teens love proboscis..
first she will be sexy..then naughty..then the tell all bio in the womens magazine will describe your violent envy at her artistic sucess and your inabitlity to maintain an erection with out the presence of a frozen chicken and an egg whisk...

April 26, 2004 2:09 PM

John U says:

David,

If you are confronted by a horde of Tata fans screaming for blood it may be a little late to try explaining that they dreamed it.

I suggest lying down and playing dead, as you should apparently when confronted by a charging grizzly bear.

Or another method could be the one used by Paul Newman in "Fort Apache, The Bronx". Turn your cap back to front, start making strange gestures with your hands ( A bit like Joe Cocker in full flight), and make the wierdest noises your vocal chords can come up with.

Hopefully they will think you are an absolute nut case and fuck off in disgust.

If neither of these methods work, put your head between your legs and kiss your arse goodbye.

April 26, 2004 2:26 PM

mr peter says:

A good one for monday morning, nothing better than a good bit of Tata bashing, although some string 'singers' are even more worthy- Palmy for instance. String performers should be seen and not heard, it's a national disgrace all these trendy young half breeds polluting the airwaves with this empty rak tur racket. Taksin should ban all string recordings and make the lot of them sing only thai music, string is not thai IMO, maybe half thai like many of it's so called performers. There is hope for Tata yet, when she gets too old to sing string crap she can join pamela bowden and move over to luktung, but is her voice good enough?-peter

April 26, 2004 4:27 PM

Ernesto Ortega's Dad says:

Ah. Tata Young's small titties. My see the pertness in my dreams big time. I feel the big pink nipples on my scrotum and my head do buzz with carnal excitements. Why Dave you do not show pictures of Tata's titties on your site for all to fondle ? I can feel my engorgement swelling at the thought of this action.

April 26, 2004 8:07 PM

ERNESTO ORTEGA says:

[FUCK YOU] WHOEVER THE FUCK PUT
THAT. THEIR DAD HAS THAT FEELING
OR THE GUY THAT MADE THE COMMENT
ABOUT MY DAD, FEELS THAT WAY ABOUT
TATA'S TITS. YOU FUCKING FAGGOT,
PERVERT, BITCH, MUTHAFUCKER. SOME
BODY NEEDS TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF
YOU, AND KILL YOU AFTERWARDS. I WOULD
GLADLY DO THAT TO YOUR FAGGOT BITCH ASS

May 11, 2004 3:25 PM

calm down calm down says:

no need to get bent out of crazed tit worshipper shape there mate

May 12, 2004 2:28 AM

ERNESTO ORTEGA says:

WELL MAYBE I WAS GOING TOO FAR.
OKAY, HE DOESN'T NEED TO DIE FOR
THAT. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE
ASS BEATING, BUT I DON'T LIKE THAT
COMMENT THAT WAS MADE ABOUT MY
FATHER. I AM OKAY NOW

May 13, 2004 1:57 PM

John U says:

Apologies for using this thread but it is vaguely to do with music, and I feel the need to give that guy Aemon a plugand I can't find where he was mentioned before.

The work he's done for his site, http://www.monsoon-country.org/index.html is tremendous.

I'm shamelessly downloading the music from his site, and the house is filled with the happy, catchy sounds of the music he's chosen.

Great stuff Aemon. Carry on the good work.

May 22, 2004 7:43 PM

mr peter says:

John

If you like that site take a look at http://www.savannanet.com/laomusic/laomusic.htm

This is without doubt the best site for Lao music, there is another good Japanese one at http://www.geocities.co.jp/MusicStar/2893/

Should do one myself but never get round to it-peter

May 22, 2004 9:09 PM

John U says:

Thanks for that savannet one Mr. Peter.

Most of it is a bit lovey dovey for me, but the Traditional Lao, Lam/Morlam is much more to my taste.

Interestingly I recognised a few from CD's I bought in Korat, which is in Isaan, and until I read the introduction I was not aware that Isaan had been part of Lao until the Froggies handed it to the Thais.

So I suppose my taste is more for traditional Lao music, and there I was thinking it was Thai music I liked.

Thanks again.

May 22, 2004 10:51 PM

mr peter says:

Oo a few folks in Korat will be after you- many regard korat as not being in Issan. Although luktung is popular more or less nationwide morlam, lam lao or whatever you want to call it is not and it's stronghold is in Issan. Different areas have their own styles as well as the major styles of morlam of which there are at least 15. Some styles still played in Laos have disapeared from LOS. A lot of the popular modern 'thai' recordings might not be traditional enough for you. I like Job and Joy, Nok Noi Ulraiporn, Banyyen Raggen, Dernpen, Siriporn, Chalermpol Malekam and of course Jintara. Many morlam singers sing luktung also. Quite a lot of luktung can be mistaken for morlam due to traditional instruments being used more in recent years. Luktung is not Lao music though and does not have it's origins in Issan. -peter

May 22, 2004 11:23 PM

WASHPAT says:

Well after wasting some not-so-precious time at work parusing this entire thread i have to say it's official...

Tata Young is a terrible singer.

Yep, went to the website.

Yep, lurked the pages.

Listened to the music- Check.

She sucks, and she aint that good looking either.

I'd let her blow me though.

August 14, 2004 3:23 AM

goosey says:

young,okay.Attractive....er,um.........can't say.

August 16, 2004 1:36 AM

nang says:

too bad so sad not even Tata had compared her self to Britney but now to Beyonce -so call IDOL!

I just don't like FAKERS

What a world we live in.

Spread the words to the kids "be yourself" cut off the media shit

August 16, 2004 8:20 AM

KK says:

Go Tata! You've made us proud.

August 29, 2004 10:46 AM

Nick says:

Definitely slutty, be it in really life or only as portrayed through her music. Either way, a poor role model.

Just check out the following lyrics...

"I was always the kid in school who turned up to each class bout an hour late and when it came to the guys I'd lay, I'd always pick the ones who wont figure out that I am clearly a rebel to the idea of monogamy"

I doubt I'm the only one bothered by the juxtaposition of 'kid in school' and 'guys I'd lay'.

How about this...?

"Do it for my daddy, do it for God
God knows I'm a getting it wrong
But who the hell cares when you're getting it on?"

~shakes head~

July 9, 2006 8:45 AM

Andy says:

Terrible role model notwithstanding; I threw one over my thumb to her latest vid; "El Nino" or somesuch shite.
The music is crap, but Tata convinced me that she's up for a good prodding up the wrong 'un!

August 2, 2006 7:45 PM

Nancy says:

Tata is the "shit" of thai culture.

September 9, 2006 12:31 AM

Nick says:

I'd have to disagree with Andy about the "El Nino" video. I tried my best to bang one out to that god-awful video, but to no avail. Slutty female singers whose sole appeal is physical should probably make sure they hit the treadmill from time to time. I wouldn't hit that with yours.

September 14, 2006 8:01 AM

David Johnson says:

Tata Young is a classy lady she wouldn't want to comment on a scum bucket like you.
Your jealous of her fame plain and simple.
Shes no Britney Spears but she does well.

Doesn't have to do anything father is very rich besides shes got married.
She has no time for a low piece of shit farang like you.

Think u can do better?
Go record a cd asshole.

April 5, 2007 4:35 AM

Having father like Tim Young, What You'd Expect? says:

Her father is not a rich person, he got rich because of her!

From small town boy, married to a Thai..that how he is became rich! Luckily, his daughter can lips-sing, but can't make it in hollywood...

April 30, 2007 8:51 PM

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