April 24 2007
Pattaya girl's disarmingly sexy arse
Thai chicks packin heat. My American, white bred, republican ass is sporting the largest erection I've had in my life just thinking about it. - Common Sense
If Khun G were to lower her Von Dutch hot pants, Common Sense might find somewhere fitting to put it.
April 20 2007
Miss Thailand Universe & my glass-top coffee table
Aimee Morakot walked away with the 2004 Miss Thailand Universe title but her huge floral underpants failed to impress judges at the international final.
Many commentators wrote her off as a pale-faced goody-goody but the resourceful Khun Aimee has confounded her critics with a sexy return to form. A sizzling photo-spread in FHM Magazine has now won her the coveted title of "29th sexiest woman in the world."
April 3 2007
Nude Thai actress bends over for charity
Cue the canned outrage. It's the same old "Thai actress goes nude while the Culture Ministry goes ballistic" story we've heard a thousand times before - with the whole world looking on in disbelief because, for most people, Thailand will always be synonymous with ping-pong pussy banana shows and whoring.
I'm sure we could debate the ethical implications for hours but the only question on my mind this week was "how do I get my hands on the naughty pictures?"
March 1 2007
Chotiros Suriyawong punished for "that dress"
No one remembers who won the 2007 "Thai Oscars" because big-titted Thammasat student, Chotiros Suriyawong, 22, stole the show in a few scraps of black satin held together by a shoelace. If only she'd asked, I could have assisted the busty young starlet by putting my finger on her knot.
November 15 2006
Y're mine now, my pretties
"Blackbeard's little pets, that's what you'll be!"
Accused of public lewdness by the Thai Culture Ministry, the activities of sexy event models - known as "pretties" - will soon be strictly regulated.
No one is fonder of "pretties" than legendary pirate of the Caribbean, Blackbeard, who reputedly took up to fourteen common law wives before being decapitated in 1718.
Despite having had his skull made into a punch bowl, Blackbeard is bitterly opposed to the new measures and tells me that he'll "drink damnation to the Ministry of Culture and neither give nor take quarter."
November 12 2006
Sai-Tai Tiger: Thai nude model
Don't visit Sai-Tai Tiger's erotic website without a qualified medical practitioner on hand because priapism is no joke.
Born on a cattle farm in Phitsanulok, Northern Thailand, Sai-Tai, 27, trained as a fashion designer in Bangkok before discovering her true calling as the natural alternative to Viagra.
To maintain my composure at times like this, I try to imagine Britain's former Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, emerging from the surf in a woollen bathing costume but, on this occasion, "bringing on the safety car" is having little effect.
August 10 2006
Thai pussy with claws
When Thai pussy turns Tiger, it's the fellas that roar - partly out of frustration because this particular species of Thai pussy isn't generally available for private hire.
Irrespective of whether they work for Tiger, Heineken or Chang, most Thai beer girls are perfectly respectable but the brewers make them parade around in tight, eye-catching slutwear - so it's hard not to develop a raging thirst when they approach your table.
At Suan Lum Night Bazaar, most of the beer girls are university students earning extra cash but, inexplicably, the same beer garden also recruit waiters.
One Aussie fella went completely berserk when a Thai "beer bloke" unexpectedly turned up to take his order - to the extent that he almost had to be restrained. The poor Thai guy was practically in tears as he stumbled off with cries of "SEND A FUCKING GIRL!!!" still ringing in his ears.
July 21 2006
Sabrine Maui: Filipino porn star (& nurse)
When Sabrine Maui finishes nursing school, hospital admissions are set to soar. I'm already starting to feel a bit funny "down there" and I'd like her to take a look.
Porn's thriller from Manila - whose credits include 5 Guy Cream Pie 8, Bangcock Sluts and Lezervoir Dogs - is giving up a world-class sex life to devote herself to empting bedpans and wiping old ladies' bottoms.
July 5 2006
Lily Thai: Pierced Asian porn star
Energetic Asian-American pornstar Lily Thai, 24, is hooked on unusual piercings.
It goes without saying that the horny Hawaiian has had her nips, tongue and minge done but, just above the gum-line, she also sports a bizarre oral piercing known as a frenulum. I don't know what it's for but I'd certainly like her to show me.
I once thought that Lily Thai and Lucy Thai were sisters but they're not. Part of me was disappointed but at least I'm now free to imagine them performing together without having to fret about the incest aspect.
July 2 2006
Chelsea Charms: Battle of the big boobs
Going nipple to nipple in the battle of the big boobs are America's Chelsea Charms and Thailand's farang ding dong girls.
Chelsea's super-sized charms can be attributed to her Western junk-food diet but, according to legend, the farang ding dong girls use special Thai herbs to enhance their humongous hooters.
May 20 2006
Nakadia: Thai superstar DJ & nude model
Busty Korat babe Nakadia, 24, is Thailand's top DJ but you won't find her turning the wheels of steel in Bangkok.
She's got the dark-skinned rice-farmer's daughter look that Thai men hate so she's a superstar in almost every country in the world except Thailand. Western fellas go bonkers for her exotic face, big knockers and endless legs so it's hardly surprising that she opted to 'go Inter.'
Like most chicks from the sticks, Nakadia's life hasn't been easy. After finishing high school, she did various crappy jobs in factories before ending up working in an Internet caf?�. There, she met an unnamed French photographer via webcam and "eventually made it to France for some fashion shoots."
I'll direct you to one of her early photo-sessions in a moment but 'fashion shoot' isn't quite the expression I'd have chosen.
July 12 2005
Tila Nguyen: Nude model & musician (allegedly)
Violent Vietnamese vixen, Tila Nguyen, has posed nude in Playboy not once but six times. No other Asian babe makes the pages stick together quite like her but Tila hasn't always been the sultry queen of one-handed eastern glamour.
The tattooed ex-con suffered a deprived childhood in Houston, Texas and she's been jailed twice already. Tila's record of violence began at school when a couple of teachers "pissed her off" and she responded by "punching their lights out."
Happily for her admirers, six months in a "school for bad kids" failed to instill in Tila a proper sense of right and wrong and she subsequently dropped out to begin a life of partying, drug-taking and promiscuity in New York City. How she supported herself during this time is unknown but she doesn't look like the type to join the "enthusiastic team" at Starbucks.
She says "I grew up in an environment with a lot of drugs and shootings going on... lots of friends dying and sad stuff such as that. Nobody said it would be easy but there is a way out. You can start a new life for yourself... like me!" Unless you're old, fat, plain or reluctant to get your tits out for the lads, that is.
August 23 2004
Kesarin "Nong Nat" Chaichalermpol: Thai Porn star
Big-titted Thai porn star, Kesarin "Nong Nat" Chaichalermpol, made the headlines recently when she was vilified on a popular TV show by Police General Visut Vanichbut.
According to General Visut, the cheeky Thai vixen was guilty of "indecent exposure for profit" - a despicable offence witnessed by millions of porn-loving bystanders across the globe.
Gripping the remote with his free hand, Visut had forced himself to watch her steamy hard-core sex movies. Later, he insisted that Nong Nat should join him for a private screening and some "questioning" - otherwise, she would be arrested.
After their hour-long porno session, General Visut reported that Nong Nat "looked emotionally drained and said that she had been crying." Her tissues were probably scattered all over his office.
In real life, as in her movies, Nong Nat's story may have a happy ending. She claims that offers of work have been flooding in from mainstream media companies.
August 3 2004
Mot quits Nana Plaza for porn stardom
This stunning Thai go-go dancer was once the undisputed superstar of Rainbow 1 in Nana Plaza. Her name is Mot and Mango Sauce reader Jim snapped this picture back in 1999.
A veteran of over 60 visits to Thailand, Jim reckons that Mot is the prettiest girl he's ever seen and a genuinely nice person too - an unlikely combination which probably makes her unique.
Sadly, just twenty-four hours after this photo was taken, Mot was hit by a car and seriously injured. It was another six months before she could return to her chromium pole at Rainbow 1.
The physical scars had healed but Jim sensed that her old confidence was gone. She told him "I no more beautiful" and confided that she would now "do anything" to make money.
A few months later, Mot vanished from the scene and Jim lost touch with her. Recently, however, he spotted her again on a website called 88square.com.
Now going by the name "Vivian Lin" she has, it seems, embarked upon a glittering new career as a porn star.
May 31 2004
Miss Thailand: Morakot Aimee Kittisara
When I accused Miss Thailand Universe, Morakot Aimee Kittisara, of looking like my Welsh auntie (See Miss Thailand Universe outslutted by Miss Venezuela), her mate Angel rattled my cage with this stinging rebuke.
As a friend of Aimee (Miss Thailand) ever since we were like 5, I can guarantee that the picture is not one of her best pictures and she looks amazing in other pics. And she has lived in the UK all her life, does it matter what colour her skin is? It's flawless - Angel.
It seems that Angel was right. My follow-up investigation reveals that 20 year-old Aimee - currently studying law at Brunel University in England - is, in fact, as fit as a butcher's dog and here she is outshining her regional rivals ahead of the 2004 Miss Universe Pageant in Quito, Ecuador.
April 26 2004
Tata Young: An apology
My previous piece about fluffy Thai songstress Tata Young stirred up a hornets' nest of controversy (See Tata Young: Sexy, naughty, bitchy) and many of her weeping fans emailed strongly worded complaints in a language that was similar to English - except considerably funnier. Some hurled their brickbats in Thai but, since they were merely turning over the rubble of earlier attacks from their more expensively educated peers, translations were deemed unnecessary.
There's obviously been a terrible misunderstanding. Despite Tata's dreadful music, the truth is that I'm actually very fond of the little minx. In fact, now that Paradorn is out of the picture, I propose to woo her myself.
Hi Tata
I think that we got off on the wrong foot last time so I'd like to begin with an apology. While I still maintain that your stage outfits are somewhat conservative, I was wrong to compare them with those of "Queen Victoria's Grandmother."
I'm now in possession of a dusty sepia photograph dating back to 1871 which clearly shows her majesty posing stark bollock-naked on the stage of the Hackney Empire in East London - with only a potted plant to hide her modesty. I apologise unreservedly for the error and for any embarrassment that it may have caused.
I would say in my defence, however, that your "69" pendant (seen here on the right) was an obvious sexual reference - amusing to your select group of hi-so friends, no doubt, but going safely over the heads of your naive fans.
March 28 2004
Shu Qi: Actress and nude model
What would you do if you found Shu Qi trussed up like a Christmas turkey in the trunk of your car? This was the dilemma facing tough-guy actor Jason Statham in the hit movie The Transporter. He's paid to ferry a special "package" to an evil crime boss but can't resist taking a peek.
I couldn't resist taking a peek myself when the newly unwrapped Shu Qi decides to take a bath. Lucky Jason gets to shag her but he also pays the price when the cheeky minx gets him into all sorts of bother. This phenomenon is usually associated with Thai women but I can exclusively reveal that Shu Qi actually comes from Taiwan.
The 28 year-old actress also starred in So Close - Hong Kong's answer to Charlie's Angels - but, before that, she made ends meet as a naughty nude model. Far from being artistic studies, many of Shu Qi's early photos are crudely-snapped beaver-shots - but are quite charming all the same.
March 6 2004
Lucy Thai: Asian American porn star
Normally found impaled on either a dildo or her co-workers, accident-prone Lucy Thai, 18, is a popular Asian American porn star. Apparently, she has large natural breasts and a great ass. Aside from that, Lucy Thai's background remains a mystery because her only known biography appears on the back cover of a porn video.
So what can we deduce about her? The butterfly tattooed on Lucy's lower abdomen suggests that she might be a bit of a butterfly herself and her staring role in Ass Pounders 2 lends some weight to this idea.
In spite of her name, Lucy Thai doesn't look like she comes from Thailand. What she does look like is ultra-dumb, wearing the same slack-jawed expression in every shot. In fairness, though, you don't need a tertiary education to perform alongside Brian Pumper in Me luv U long time 5.
February 25 2004
Tata Young: Sexy, naughty, bitchy
Seen here in the 69 position, bitchy Thai songstress Tata Young, 23, looks like she could swallow her prey whole. Her ex-boyfriend, Thai tennis ace Paradorn Srichaphan, appears to have been airbrushed out.
Tata has shocked the Thai establishment with her sexy, naughty and bitchy ways. As well as being the title of her latest single, it also sums up her attitude to life. Though born in Thailand, her father is American and she talks and acts like a Valley Girl.
With her loud voice and raucous laugh, she's the antithesis of the stereotypical Thai women and, reportedly, Paradorn's mother couldn't stand her. Thai traditionalists are said to have formed a Hate Tata club.
Sexy, naughty and bitchy she may be but finding a provocative photo of Tata Young proved impossible. In my opinion, she dresses like Queen Victoria's grandmother in a blizzard. Come on Tata, gerrumoff!
February 14 2004
Vanessa-Mae Vanakorn Nicholson
Once a child prodigy likened to Mozart, sexy violinist Vanessa-Mae, 25, has taken the world of classical music by storm. Vanessa-Mae Vanakorn Nicholson was born in Singapore to a Chinese mother and Thai father but moved to Britain with her mother at the age of 4.
She attended the Royal College of Music in London and, by 13, had already toured with the London Mozart Players. Her first album The Violin Player, released in 1995, went multi-platinum - blurring the lines between classical music and pop.
Vanessa now tours the world and has won numerous awards. Memorably, she performed at the Hong Kong China Re-Unification Ceremony.
January 23 2004
Kelly Lin (Hsi Lei Lin): Hong Kong actress
Let's celebrate Chinese New Year by casting a lecherous eye over Hong Kong movie star, Kelly Lin. Chinese folk exchange gifts at this time of year but, according to ancient superstition, giving away your trousers is very unlucky. It doesn't seem to have done Kelly Lin any harm, though, because she's currently Hong Kong's hottest female lead and was ranked first out of the 10 Sexiest Asian Women by FHM Magazine in 2002.
Kelly, 28, is actually from Taiwan and used to go by the name of Hsi Lei Lin. She's the star of a dozen films but my favourite is Raped by an Angel 5: The Final Judgement in which a posse of sexy Asian babes hunts down an evil serial rapist obsessed with women in uniform. Puzzlingly, it's only the second film in the series and, as the straight-to-video title suggests, it's a bit like The Benny Hill Show but without the laughs.
January 11 2004
Khunying Porntip Rojanasunan (Dr. Death)
Popularly known as Dr. Death, funky forensic pathologist Khunying Porntip Rojanasunan, 49, can normally be found elbow-deep in other people's intestines. The spiky-haired scientist is nobody's poodle. Her findings in murder cases often contradict those of the Thai police and sometimes point to their involvement. Her one-woman war against official misconduct in Thailand has made her a media star.
She first came to public notice 3 years ago, when one of her own students was murdered. The police claimed that the girl was killed by thugs but Porntip's analysis of her skull proved that the real murderer was her rich Thai boyfriend. More recently, she challenged police over their suicide theory in the shooting of millionaire Hangthong Thammawattana - leading to the arrest of his younger brother, Noppadal. Her work has also implicated police in the extra-judicial killings of alleged drug-dealers.
December 29 2003
Metinee Kingpayome: Thai swimsuit model
New Yorker Metinee Kingpayome, 31, rediscovered her Thai roots in 1992 when she was crowned Miss Thailand. She's been living here ever since, carving out a career as a soap queen and swimsuit model. Her book Metinee's Secret is on its 14th reprint and she's just set up her own online model agency at www.thaisupermodels.com.
In spite of her achievements, Metinee claims to be a lazy beach bum at heart and can often be found at Poppies Samui Resort on Ko Samui. If she walks around like this, the beach must have standing room only.
Interviewed this week in the Bangkok Post, Metinee was asked "What's your most recent purchase?" She replied "I just bought myself pink diamond earrings." My most recent purchase was six toilet rolls from 7/11.
December 18 2003
Pornchita Na Songkhla (Benz)
A 24 year-old Benz would normally end up in the scrap yard but I fancy stripping this one down personally. Hailing from Bangkok rather than Stuttgart, Thai actress/singer Benz is more properly known as Pornchita Na Songkhla.
Though she won't be breaking any speed records on the autobahn, Pornchita would definitely turn heads on the high street. Needless to say, I would like to test her ride quality and specify some options.
Already a veteran of three TV series and two movies, Benz recently became a popular recording artist. In her spare time, she also created the successful Bense line of cosmetics. The misspelling is due to a minor spat with her automotive namesake.
Benz is still single and the Union Jack bra suggests that she's a bit of an anglophile. As a potential suitor, this should act in my favour. However, her beauty and success will probably stir up a hornet's nest of competition. Realistically, I may have to wait some time before she comes scratching at my bedroom door, begging for sex.
November 28 2003
Naphakpapha "Mamee" Nakprasitte: Thai nude actress
Launched to stardom in the Thai erotic blockbuster Mae Bia, sultry Mamee Nakprasitte (20) isn't afraid to get her tits out for the lads when the plot demands it. First spotted by a talent scout on Silom Road, she came third in the Elite Model Look Thailand competition. Too short to work as a fashion model, she decided instead to become an actress.
Mamee felt uncomfortable playing the sexy and often nude Mekhala in Mae Bia. The most embarrassing moment of her life was when she went to see the film with her dad. However, it didn't stop her from allowing the lucky Stuart Laing to lick her delightful brown nipples in her most recent movie, Butterfly Man.
She was working at a friend's stall on the Kaosarn Road when she was spotted by the film's director. He offered her the part of the naughty massage girl who pleasures the film's hero. She says "I didn't need to do much acting; the role and my natural character matched well." I'm sure her farang fans will be delighted to hear that.
November 18 2003
Lucy Liu
Despite an obvious preference for men's underwear, actress Lucy Liu isn't a bad looking girl - even at 36 years old. The Queen's-born ball-breaker looks a little shy here as she fiddles around in her knickers but be warned - she studied Indonesian martial arts and is a bit tasty with knives and sticks. Don't piss her off near sharp objects.
Lucy is the daughter of Chinese immigrant parents. Marriage-minded gentlemen will be interested to know that she's still single. She went to New York University, so it's reasonable to assume that she goes like a train.
Lena Li is more my type but I have to confess that Lucy's lesbian kiss in Ali McBeal did tickle my fancy. Her most recent project is the sequel to Charlie's Angels. She might be the best thing in it but I'm not going to sit through 2 hours of pure shite just to ogle some bird.
November 9 2003
Huge Thai boobs: It's the farang ding dong girls
The farang ding dong girls are a mysterious group of Thai women who have had their breasts enlarged to enormous proportions to satisfy the needs of their boob-loving farang boyfriends.
A single boob job won't turn your Thai sweetheart into a farang ding dong girl. It takes up to six operations to turn her cute handfuls into massive comedy breasts and she has to endure considerable discomfort in the process.
Western surgeons would hesitate before performing such aggressive multiple breast augmentation procedures. However, their Thai colleagues don't have any ethical dilemmas. If a woman wants unfeasibly big tits, she can have them - so long as her boyfriend has the cash.
October 29 2003
Patcharapa "Um" Chaichua
Patcharapa "Um" Chaichua was recently voted Thailand's sexiest woman but I reckon she has limited farang appeal. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't kick her out of bed or anything but she looks more classy than sexy. The voters were obviously Thai.
Thai men love tall women with porcelain skin and big noses. This is puzzling because it's the total opposite of what most Thais actually look like. Maybe it's the scarcity value that gets them going. To my eyes, Um looks like a snooty farang with small tits.
For a nation that boasts some of the world's most beautiful women, the girls who win Thailand's beauty pageants are extraordinarily plain. The whiteness of their skin seems to be more important than their actual beauty. You see better looking women on the Skytrain every day.
Thai women occasionally win Miss World but the tragedy is that they ought to do so more often. Thai fellas win the katoey version almost every year - which suggests that the judges who pick the girls need to pull their fingers out. Either that or get a farang jury to choose contestants with broader appeal.
October 24 2003
Lena Li: nude Asian model with big tits
Celebrated for her floor-length hair and big tits, nude Asian Playboy model Lena Li certainly knows how get a man's attention.
Known as "hot and spicy" to her friends, Lena was born in Taiwan but moved to the US when she was 8 years old. Now living in California, she works as a counsellor for elementary school children - when she isn't getting her kit off for the cameras, that is.
According to Playboy Magazine, she prefers older men who are caring and kind. It must be Lena's lucky day because she could be talking about me. Apparently, her fellas always like how her hair feels on their skin. Well, fancy that.
Sadly, my dreams will be shattered if she says "Oh my God, our spiritual energy - it's, like, awesome dude." Keep your mouth shut darling and we'll get along just fine.
Previously
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
December 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
