March 23 2007
Don't call me Papa: Thailand's losers in love
Dropping your false teeth onto the pool table is an unorthodox seduction technique but I recently saw it used by an elderly gentleman in a Soi 4 beer bar. Predictably, it misfired almost as badly as the girl's next shot.
As for bad chat-up lines, my personal favourite is "don't be scared girlie girl." These five little words are sure to make her blood run cold. Eliciting a "fight or flight" response from the object of your affection always gets you noticed and Keith "I am not a paedophile" Summers probably uses it all the time.
March 21 2007
Louis Theroux and the Thai introduction agencies
Louis Theroux's toe-curlingly funny exposé of dubious Thai introduction agencies has finally appeared on YouTube. Like a posh version of Borat, the British/American filmmaker uses a potent mix of faux-naivety and charm to pose outrageously impertinent questions to his unsuspecting victims.
First under the microscope is the diminutive Ronnie Conrad of Anglo-Thai Introductions. Like a matchmaking Jeeves to Theroux's Wooster, Ronnie - looking dapper in his trademark tank top, flat cap and cravat - gives Louis the heads up on Thai girls before introducing him to "the ladies."
March 1 2007
Phuket waitress cuckolds farang sugar daddy
When you're dating a dodgy Thai girl, it's always fun to watch how she juggles her retinue of farang buffaloes but French sex-tourist, Greg Garcia, has gone one step further and videoed his Phuket playmate's devious antics.
Arm's farang sugar daddy has just called to check up on her. "I don't have boyfriend," purrs the toothsome sex pixie as she wiggles her tongue suggestively at Greg who is sitting beside her.
November 24 2006
No to foreign brides: Feminism meets fascism
In an echo of Hitler's 1935 Racial Purity Law, which forbade sex between Germans and Jews, feminist TV host and columnist, Bonnie Erbe, is calling for a ban on American men taking foreign brides.
Realising that the term "racially inferior" can't be used these days, Erbe justifies her extreme views by labelling foreign brides as "less well educated" and poses the question "Do we really want another 40,000 plus people entering the United States per year?"
She also accuses their American husbands of "unimaginable abuse."
October 25 2006
Ning from Nong Khai wins divorce lottery
When Chris from Kent got fucked over by Ning from Nong Khai he turned his two million baht ordeal into a video diary. Predictably, the poor sod blames everyone except the girl and the penny hasn't dropped that she was scamming him from day one.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcDE06NTzeI
The most interesting aspect of the case is the role played by the British Government - which actively encourages third-world criminals to fleece its own citizens.
August 18 2006
Pills that drive Thai women crazy
A heart attack at the age of 24 prompted a Thai ex-girlfriend to throw away her diet pills. She's lucky to be alive - but her story is by no means unusual. If she talks incessantly, loses her appetite and lurches wildly between euphoria and despair, your Thai girlfriend is probably taking them too.
All over Thailand, countless poorly regulated beauty clinics dish out amphetamine-like diet pills to any woman willing to pay for them. The, often unlabelled, drugs are dispensed in strengths described as ranging from one to ten but impatient Thai women hell-bent on losing weight with minimal effort often choose the strongest and most dangerous. Many also exceed the stated dose in the mistaken belief that if one pill is good, two pills are better.
Seeking a quick fix to the effects of a self-indulgent lifestyle, Thai girls with farang boyfriends are more likely than most to get hooked. Go-go dancers in particular tend to fill out pretty quickly when kindly patrons remove them from their natural chrome pole habitat and deposit them in front of the TV.
June 14 2006
If she's a looker they'll brand her a hooker
Even if she's a blameless accountant, most people from Farangland will assume that your Thai girlfriend is either a cheap prostitute or nymphomaniac sex-slave. This media-fuelled stereotype can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings.
With a couple of honourable exceptions, the farang girls who post comments to this site see mixed-race Thai/farang relationships as something to do with the trafficking of children or the spread of AIDS.
These daft accusations are reminiscent of the redneck taunts directed towards black pupils when they were first admitted to Mississippi high schools back in the 1960s. You couldn't make it up.
When you visit Farangland with your Thai girlfriend, however, poisonous stares from jealous white women are the least of your worries. If you leave her alone - even for just a few minutes - in London's West End, she'll almost certainly be hit on by sexual predators, asked her price by shameless whoremongers or sounded out by pushy would-be pimps.
Unless you've seen it with your own eyes, it's hard to believe that this parallel universe of sleaze exists at a Starbucks near you.
May 11 2006
Thai women seek foreign husbands
The reasons why Thai women seek out foreign husbands are hotly disputed. Their eagerness to get hitched is plainly obvious but, until now, no one had bothered to ask them why.
BANGKOK: -- Most Thai women from Thailand's north-eastern region who enter into marriages with foreign men do so to escape the vicious cycle of poverty, but are keen to distinguish themselves from hired brides or prostitutes, according to research.
Although it is based on a study in a single north-eastern village, the report by Dr. Rattana Boonmathaya from Mahidol University has wider resonances in a society in which marriage to foreigners is a popular option.
The particular village chosen for the study is noticeable for the fact that nearly one in three of the 330 women aged 20-59 resident there has chosen to marry a foreigner, with 96 percent having married men from Switzerland.
May 29 2005
Unmasking a Thai Internet con-girl
Most romance-seekers who use the Internet to organise dates in Thailand know perfectly well that they're just fooling around with prostitutes but some unfortunate men become convinced that their girl is "different" or perhaps even "respectable" - a common misconception that devious Thai hookers are always eager to exploit.
In a previous article (See Is your Thai sweetheart really a con-woman?) I profiled the behavior of a typical Thai con-girl and offered suggestions as to how a marriage-minded farang might recognise one. On re-reading it, however, I now realise that putting my advice into practice would yield only circumstantial evidence - which is of little practical use when the presiding judge is getting expertly blown-off by the defendant.
To convince a love-sick fool that his adorable Internet dream-girl is really a yo-yo knickered common prostitute, a big smoking gun needs to be rammed firmly up his arse and discharged several more times.
The story of one particularly gullible Internet shopper who won't listen to reason (See Thai mail-order bride fuels mid-life crisis #2 - a tale that now includes several new episodes) has left me feeling more trigger-happy than a US marine patrolling the highway to Baghdad airport - so I'm now going to ask him to pull over at the Mango Sauce checkpoint, step out of his vehicle and bend over.
So long as the will exists to do it, catching an Internet con-girl with her knickers down is actually quite easy. Their deceptions are fairly crude and most can't be bothered to cover their tracks either. If a man is prepared to do his own dirty-work, hiring a private detective is quite unnecessary. This is how it's done:
May 1 2005
Thai mail-order bride fuels mid-life crisis #2
After just 10 days in Bangkok, our naive, forty-something American with an anger problem has fallen madly in love with his Thai dream girl - and she's agreed to marry him (See Mail-order bride fuels mid-life crisis #1). Naturally, he's managed to convince himself that she's neither prostitute nor con-artist - despite a mountain of evidence to the contrary. His farang ex-girlfriend takes up the story:
Dear David
I have some more questions regarding my ex-boyfriend who went off to Thailand to find a mail order bride.
Just to recap in case you don't recall... This guy started corresponding with some Thai girls on the Internet while dating me in hopes of doing the Mail Order Bride thing. He went off to Bangkok for about 10 days in February... came back trying to keep things alive with me but I declined... and I basically ignored any further attempts he made to contact me until this last weekend.This last Friday he came back into my life with all kinds of tales about how sorry he was, how special I was, how he was done with Thailand etc, etc. It turned out to be lies. He was just feeling lonely.
Anyway, we did talk about the "Thai thing." He said he met with one girl over in Bangkok. That she had not had sex - or so she said - for 11 years. But within 24 hours of first meeting they were going at it like a couple of rabbits.
February 23 2005
Thai mail-order bride fuels mid-life crisis #1
Like the beacons that wreckers once used to lure ships onto the rocks, websites offering Thai mail-order brides continue to claim hapless farang victims. Today's story concerns a recently divorced American in his early forties who's in danger of being holed below the waterline. His concerned farang girlfriend takes up the story.
Dear David
I might be an unusual reader on your site... I am a "Farang" woman, an American. Perhaps I am one of the hated on your site. I do not know since it would seem opinions are split on American women from what I have read.
However, I need some closure on an issue and I do hope you can give it to me.
I live in the western part of America. I am 38, very attractive. It is not uncommon for people to assume I am much, much younger than my age. I have aged very well. I am successful, well educated, polite and respectful. While I am independent, I do believe in a traditional relationship with a man. I will admit I am rare for an American woman.
Anyway, I met a guy, 5 years older than I, last year. He claimed to want a woman who loved family (to help raise his two kids from his recent divorce) who liked to cook, was very sexual, liked music, had a job, was educated and would take care of him. As he dated me, he was in awe. Not only did I completely fit his profile but I had my own house and it is a nice house, money in the bank and no debt. He kept saying he could never do better than me, only worse. We had much in common and enough differences to make it interesting.
However, he had a few faults which kept our relationship from progressing smoothly...
September 9 2004
New Thai wife on the menu
When you return to Farangland with a new Thai wife, integrating her into your social circle can sometimes present a bit of a challenge - particularly if she's enjoyed a colourful life. Two years ago, a friend of mine arranged his Thai wife's social debut - and she certainly made a big impression.
Wisely, he'd married a girl his own age but, like many Asian women, Noi (not her real name) looked much younger than she actually was. Their relationship was a happy one but he still felt anxious about the reception they would get from his friends and their farang wives. Cooking was Noi's strong suit so they decided to invite everyone over for a meal.
The Thai menu was carefully chosen to appeal to farang tastes. Naturally, the male dinner guests were secretly hoping that Noi would emerge from the kitchen in thigh-boots with a twat-full of ping pong balls but their disappointment was largely offset by the quality of the food she'd prepared.
Noi smiled a lot but was too shy to join the conversation. To draw her out of her shell, the farang wives praised her food - but they also advised her that it was a little too spicy. With half a bottle of red wine inside her, the hostess finally decided to speak - and she gave the farang girls some advice in return.
"Good food, good suck, good fuck, good sex and your husband not leave you" she explained.
August 13 2004
Nana Plaza girl dupes love-sick farang
Michael (not his real name) met a beautiful Thai go-go dancer in Nana Plaza. Although he paid for it, the sex was the best he'd ever had. Somehow, though, she managed to convince him that she wasn't really a prostitute.
In his bid to bring her back to the US, Michael emailed me for advice.
Dear David
I have been reading article after article on the internet on visas for Thai girlfriends coming to the USA and how difficult it is. I have a couple questions.
I just spent 10 days with a wonderful Thai girl in Koh Samui. I met her on the street in Nana Plaza after she finished dancing at one of the go-go bars. Her story was interesting but unbelievable. She said when she was 20 (she's now 26) she moved to Holland with her Dutch boyfriend. He also had a business in Canada. She spoke fluent Dutch and had all the visas and stamps in her passport to prove it.
She stayed there for five years but moved back to Thailand after they broke up 5 months ago. He has continually sent her 10,000 baht a week. She spent all of the money on a house she is building for her parents. She is a farm girl from Nachon Rachasima and, although she speaks Lao, Thai, Dutch and English, she can't read or write.
She told me over and over that she and her girlfriend were bored and came into the city to drink and see if they could pick up some money. However, she said that she had only worked at the go-go bar for one night and I was the first man to solicit sex from her. I did give her money for our time together.
June 20 2004
Living with a Thai hooker
The manager of a well-known Bangkok go-go bar struck up a relationship with one of his girls. She carried on dancing but no one was allowed to barfine her. When he returned from a two-week trip to Farangland, however, the books revealed that she'd been with other guys every single night. Naturally, he felt unhappy about this and asked her to stop work altogether. She did for a while but, later, had to start again out of necessity. They're still together but, to spare his blushes, she now works in a different go-go bar.
Not every Thai hooker has a heart of stone and, sometimes, true love blossoms in a dreary hotel room over a heap of used condoms. If her farang lover earns good money, then their relationship might prosper. However, if he's in low-paid employment such as bar work or English teaching, then the new couple are often faced with a painful dilemma.
Her sister's son still has leukaemia, her father still needs his whisky and hookers and her mother's boyfriend still has his gambling debts. Cutting the money supply would create serious problems for all of them - and they wouldn't hesitate to inflict emotional blackmail.
Should our weary Thai hooker settle down with her low-paid farang boyfriend or should she carry on selling her body to support her family? Should she choose personal happiness or family responsibility? Unsurprisingly, she usually chooses both - with or without her partner's approval.
Love-sick fools often confront their girl with an angry ultimatum. They rationalise their actions by labelling her nearest and dearest as a bunch of wastrels and malingerers. Perhaps some of them are - but our indignant guy should consider that the kind of woman who cheerfully abandons her own family is unlikely to give him any lasting loyalty.
June 19 2004
She Comes Home to Me
Adam Sandler sings She Comes Home to Me
Some guys take pride in the fact that their favourite Thai bar girl doesn't charge them for sex. She might even move in. Here's a rather appropriate song written by Adam Sandler, which he performs in the style of Frank Sinatra.
Though I have been a fool for love
I have finally made my score
I got a girl, and I don't mean to boast
But she loves me the most
Even though she's a highly paid whore
She'll give head to a sheik
She can stuff three cocks in her cheek
But she comes home to me
She'll do the groom and the best man
She'll slap your ass in the back of a van
But she comes home to meShe could fuck nine guys in a row
But still have a tenth for me
And I'm the only one who gets to kiss them lips
Unless you pay an extra fifty
So mister, don't you fall in love
Cause I'm the only cat who doesn't wear a glove
Since her heart belongs to me
June 17 2004
I want our baby NOW!
"She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever known and the best lover I have ever had" says Mango Sauce reader JDMAN (52). It's no surprise then that he wants to retire to Thailand and set up home with his dream-girl (28) - and she wants his baby too.
JDMAN is no fool. Two previous marriages to American women left him financially burned and he's in no hurry to marry again. He still has a retirement income of $100,000 a year, though, so his new life in Thailand should be very comfortable - if he plays his cards right. This is why he needs some help and advice.
Can a Thai girl be sincere about wanting kids outside of a marriage? I have a dream of moving to Thailand to live and raise a family with an "ex-bargirl" who I have known for four years. So many of the posts on Mango Sauce suggest this will be a huge mistake. However, I am very committed to the goal and would appreciate feedback on how to do it safely and with the highest probability of success.
I have travelled to Thailand at least a dozen times over the last six years and fell in love with the place on my first visit. Like most men in their late 40's I was immediately enthralled by the beauty, grace, and fun-loving nature of Thai girls. I have been married twice to American girls and while both were great ladies initially, things went south eventually. Most annoying was that they both let themselves go physically while I kept myself in great shape (6'2'' 185). Eventually it turned me off to look at them and my dick told them what was "going down" so to speak.
June 11 2004
BusterB loves women but hates feminists
Feminist bitches and their woman-hating sparring partners have nothing new to teach us. In my view, their noisy debate drowns out the voices of reasonable guys who love women but who also have genuine concerns about their increasingly negative attitudes towards men - attitudes that are constantly being reinforced by the western media.
In advertising, men are often portrayed as the dimwit guy outsmarted by his sassy female companion. The dozy twat can't get the car insured but his clever girlfriend goes to the AA website and does it in seconds. Women love this shit but it makes me cringe. Shooting a role-reversal version would be totally unacceptable because - despite mountains of evidence to the contrary - women still see themselves as victims in a male-dominated society. In my view, men are more likely to be the victims these days.
Vilification of men has gone mainstream and, in this climate of unrestrained criticism, magazine articles with titles like "What are men for?" are commonplace. That any explanation is required just goes to show how bad things have become. Why is it so unsurprising that the guards pictured humiliating Iraqi prisoners were American women?
As western women sound off at us in their loud voices, we downtrodden men are expected to bow our heads in silent agreement - but perhaps not for much longer. Now we have a new champion. Step forward, BusterB. Here, he advises us on "Women to Avoid".
Many men might read this page and think, "Why bother? It's all so obvious!" To some of us it hasn't been. I used to cling to any woman who even so much as looked my way, until I figured out that most of them were more grief and trouble than they were worth. What kinds of women make the fucking you're getting not worth the fucking you're getting?
Any woman who says, "No means no." First, this marks her as a feminist. Second, it marks her as someone who believes more in theories in her head about how the world should be than she believes in reality. Anyone not steeped in feminist dogma knows that nobody, anywhere means no every time they say no. Women who can't acknowledge this reality are trouble. Besides, it's a stupid thing to say to anyone. It's insulting to those who care and ineffectual against those who don't.
June 9 2004
Finding love at the World Trade Centre
The sleazy nightspots of Bangkok aren't the most fertile hunting ground for true love so I'm happy to report that the capital now boasts an alternative venue for lonely hearts on the pull. The Trimurti shrine, nailed to a corner of the World Trade Centre (now confusingly renamed Central World Plaza), has, over the last year, become a popular night time meeting place for hundreds of candle-waving young Thais intent on invoking true love from the triumvirate of Hindu gods - Brahma, Shiva and Vishnu.
Encouraged by stories of people meeting their dream partners shortly after visiting the shrine, most of the hopefuls are young women, aged between 18 and 35. Many claim that the god is especially magical in matching Thai women with foreign mates - a fact that won't be lost on Mango Sauce readers.
Worshippers often exchange success stories. "My friend came here before, praying for her boyfriend to return after they had quarrelled. Shortly afterwards, he came back," says Premikha, 28. She didn't reveal whether her friend's wandering lover buggered off again after he got his end away.
"You know, the holiest hours are at night, especially Thursday night at 9:30pm. The god descends to hear our prayers, and wishes then are likely to come true. Wearing red can also earn you special favouritism from the god," says office worker Premikha, who was sporting a red shirt.
The believers say that wishes should be made as specific as possible. "You need to be very precise and detailed. Even better, you should give the god some time frame in which you want your wish to come true," advised Joy, 27. She recalled her wish to meet her soul mate - whom she described to the god as a Caucasian foreigner who was a non-smoker and teetotaller who wanted to settle down in a legal committed relationship - within the space of three months.
June 4 2004
My never-ending rants about farang women
Bangkok-based British blogger, Masie, has given me a slapped wrist.
I used to think this site was pretty funny, but now it's just getting boring. I can take a joke, but why the never-ending, venomous rants about farang women?
If we're such washed up, old, bitter, has-beens, and you're living in paradise, why the need for mile-long diatribes about "sex-starved farang shrew bitches?" Be happy, enjoy your 2500 blow jobs a day, fair play to you, mate. Leave us out of it.
Masie is a journalist by profession so I'm puzzled as to why she's telling me to stop writing about farang women - I certainly wouldn't presume to tell her what she can and can't write about. Her blog is pretty good, though (particularly the rather amusing piece about selling vibrators), so I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and an explanation.
Masie obviously didn't like my Zoe Shrew piece (See Zoe Shrew, 25, moves to Thailand) but it's hardly a venomous rant - more a gentle parody on a clever and attractive young farang woman accustomed to pouring scorn on her boyfriend without suffering any negative consequences. In Farangland, she could get away with it but, in Thailand, she loses her man within weeks. Perhaps Masie feels sorry for her but I reckon that she had it coming. Zoe might learn her lesson and treat her partner with a bit more consideration in future - but the likelihood is that she won't.
As I've said before, I normally enjoy the company of farang women but it would be fair to say that the Zoe Shrews of this world get right up my nose. I've little time for whiners of either sex (See Stop whining you jammy farang bastard) but girls like Zoe are in a league of their own. We've all sat through excruciating dinner parties where some Zoe-a-like is listing her boyfriend's faults - while he's sitting right next to her. Though her diatribe is buttock-clenchingly embarrassing, no one tells her to shut up. If a man were to do the same to his girlfriend, he would quickly attract the condemnation of the whole group - and rightly so.
May 29 2004
Is his Thai internet bride a con-girl? #4
Things are getting worse for Mark, the 46 year-old American accountant who chose an 18 year-old Thai bride from AmericanSingles.com. The manipulative little cow has been shagging another guy in his apartment and now she's driving a wedge between him and his best mate. Mark's farang ex-girlfriend, Marianne, takes up the story. If you haven't done so already, you should read her first, second and third letters before continuing.
Some HUGE events have occurred since last update - all of which you predicted of course, but at the snail's pace my newly hired PI is operating, I'll be in a Nursing Home, on feeding tubes by the time any additional useful info is uncovered!
In a separate piece on this website, I indicated that Nok left Mark 2 months ago. Well, she did. She manipulated his best friend into calling her father and having him wire cash for a flight back to Bangkok. Unfortunately, for reasons only Mark knows, she returned to him 4 weeks later.
Anyway, if you're willing, please take a look at the remaining new developments, and render your opinion of what they portend:
May 10 2004
"Boo who?" says farang cry-baby
Khun Boo (real name) is a fun-loving Bangkok bar girl who charmed a drink out of me last week. She's one of those disarmingly honest girls who share their thoughts with everyone. When she received a text-message during our chat, she didn't hesitate to show it to me.
It was from some love-sick Norwegian bloke who appeared to have lost the plot along with his heart. He would have been mortified had he known that his tearful message was making half the bar weep with laughter. It went something like this.
Hello Boo my darling. I miss you so much. Your money arrives at Western Union tomorrow. I'm sorry I cried yesterday. I'm so lonely here in Norway. I love you ve
His parting shot was cut off by the SMS 160 character limit but I think we can guess where it was going. The poor sod's lovelorn outpourings gave me a giggle but, when Boo asked me to help her compose a piss-taking reply, I declined. The guy was a complete idiot but, ultimately, my sympathies lay with him rather than her. To spare the guy's blushes, I won't name him or the bar but, if he reads this article, he should recognise himself.
May 9 2004
Thai hooker email puzzle
After enjoying a Thai adventure with a little CM2 minx, a friend of Combover's recently received this surprise email from a farang that he'd never met. Is the guy a Good Samaritan or could he be working some kind of angle?
This really is none of my business, nor do I want to rain on your parade, but I was in an internet shop in Bangkok a couple of days ago, sitting next to these 2 girls, one very cute with fairly short hair, (like a page boy hair cut, wearing a chain around her waist).
Anyway, I speak Thai, and was busy working, but couldn't help overhear the 2 of them talking about a guy she had done recently, and she was going to ask him for money, and tell him she wanted to go to school for manicure etc. The cute one doesn't read or write English, so the other one was typing for her. I have heard all these stories before, all these girls hope to find a handful of men to tell their sob stories to.
She will never go to manicure school, she will never learn to be a hairdresser, and her father's water buffalo is not sick, in need of medical attention. It pisses me off, the lies they tell, so I peeked, and wrote down your email address.
She was telling her friend she had already mentioned to you something about a friend losing 10,000 baht, and now she was going to hit you up for some cash.
April 7 2004
Confessions of a Thai driving instructor #2
Our Mango Sauce Crime Correspondent brings us the concluding episode of this splendid Thai farce (See: Confessions of a Thai driving instructor #1).
Hearing the knock on the door, and then a voice she recognized, little Miss Roong quickly realized that she was in danger of being caught in flagrante delicto. Pushing off the thrusting Somchai she threw most of his clothes at him and hurled him through the back kitchen door just as the front door shattered and Pascal charged into the apartment.
Now Roong was much smarter than your average girl. She knew she had only seconds to figure out an escape story so, as a temporary holding measure, she did a quick faint and collapsed on the floor. Pascal rushed to pick-up his naked girlfriend and carried her to the bed where she slowly came to. Roong's story was simple: she had been drugged and didn't know what had happened to her. Hesitatingly, she explained she had been given a lift home by her driving instructor who gave her something to drink after which she fell asleep.
April 6 2004
Confessions of a Thai driving instructor #1
This true crime story has everything - an oversexed Thai girl, her lecherous Thai driving instructor and a jealous farang boyfriend. Our Mango Sauce Crime Correspondent takes up the story:
Khun Roong was a pretty girl. She was not just tall and slim but was also really quite a bright girl. In fact, she was everything a farang desired. Her latest boyfriend was French (let's call him Pascal) who ran a restaurant in a trendy Sukhumvit soi.
Pascal had found her a nice apartment (living room and kitchen and satellite TV) off one of the more desirable Sukhumvit sois and it was only a five minute journey to visit her on his motorbike in between lunch and dinner or whenever business was slow. Roong had almost everything she could possibly want - but one thing was missing, she decided. She needed a little car.
Her boyfriend laughed when she suggested he buy her one as "ma cherie you cannot drive." But he was soon persuaded to part with 20,000 baht for driving lessons and a promise that, if she passed her test, she would receive the little car she so desperately desired.
March 27 2004
Why do rich Thai girls act like hookers?
Mango Sauce reader Mary B has asked me to explain why some rich Thai girls behave like prostitutes.
Ok, now I'm really confused. Why is the competent English-speaking girl that approached Steve in a public place (See Was my dream date a con-girl?) and attempted to separate him from his friends, either a con-girl or a freelancer, but "Nok" (See Is his Thai Internet bride a con-girl?) who exhibited ALL the above and many more con-girlesque behaviors in seducing "Mark", merely a disturbed rich teenager?? How does a rich teenage Thai-Chinese girl all of a sudden conduct herself in every manner like a call girl? How would she even know how to?
Granted she IS disturbed, but how would a rich girl just happen to know & follow all steps listed in "The Complete Thai Con-Girl/Hooker Manual", unless she was one herself, all along? Or were you suggesting that her rich breeding gave way to con-girl/hooker-like behaviors, by necessity, when she was "excommunicated" by her family & made to live on her own, and that she was a fast learner?
March 21 2004
Farang boyfriend steals victory in extra-time
This sneaky Thai tart thought she'd won a home game against her farang boyfriend but didn't reckon with a surprise goal in extra-time. Our Sports Correspondent takes up the story:
If you were watching the sports channel on TV and you heard the football score Team BBB 257,000 goals Team F 1 goal, you might be forgiven for thinking that you misheard or that the announcer was drunk. In fact, this score is true and represents the number of times Team "BBB", which stands for Bouncing Babes from Buri Ram (not Bradford, Bingley and Blackburn), have out-played Team F which is Team Farang.
Well, you might say, the only surprising thing here is that Team Farang actually scored a goal and on one occasion managed to get the better of a Buri Ram girl. How could this happen? Even if she was permanently drunk it would be most unusual for a Farang to out-manoeuvre a BBB.
The story goes like this. John was an English teacher working on Silom Road. Even though his salary was modest he was still able to visit Patpong a couple of times a week and soon he made the acquaintance of Khun Nong who, in due course, moved-in to live with him. All was well for a few months until one day Khun Nong announced that maybe she would like to have a baby and get married.
March 14 2004
Was my Thai dream date a con-girl?
Steve had dinner with a friendly Thai woman he met in an internet cafe but decided not to take things further. Now he's wondering whether he did the right thing.
I once met an attractive 28 year old Thai girl in an internet cafe. Surprisingly, she approached me and we got to talking.
Supposedly, she owned a bookstore, but was becoming bored with it and looking for new business opportunties. I ended up taking her for dinner and she talked about how her english was improving with each day, and that she had even started to dream in the language.
Dinner ended and we each paid separate bills, then she invited me to hang out with her for the evening and go to see fireworks. I was a bit hesitant, so I told her I had to talk with my friends first. She asked me to choose between her and my friends, so I said that I'd already made plans. I offered to introduce her to my friends, but she declined.
In your opinion, is this normal behaviour? Was I right to flee the scene? Do you think she had alterior motives?
March 11 2004
10 tips for rekindling Thai hooker love
1. Keep your travel plans secret from your Thai hooker sweetheart. That way, when you turn up at her go-go bar unannounced, she'll cry tears of joy.
2. When you find her with another guy, wearing only a thong and a puzzled expression, storm over and make an embarrassing scene.
3. Win back her affections with a poorly chosen gift that has little or no resale value. When she fails to go crazy with excitement, act like a petulant child.
4. Ask her why she isn't wearing the gold bracelet that you gave her last year as a token of your sincere and undying love. If she says that it's in her room, march her there and tear the place apart in a futile search.
March 5 2004
Private eye exposes my Thai girlfriend's lies
I once employed a private detective to spy on my Thai girlfriend. When I told my mates about it, they were gobsmacked. They assumed that only Philip Marlowe and classy 1930s broads did stuff like this. In Thailand, though, hiring a private eye is sometimes unavoidable.
Before anyone jumps to the conclusion that I'm an elderly piss-soaked invalid keeping tabs on my pouting teenage wife and her muscular tennis coach, let me explain the circumstances.
Three years ago, I had a serious row with my Thai girlfriend. The timing couldn't have been worse because I had to go to London the very next day. On arrival at Heathrow, I received a text message saying that she'd committed suicide.
February 17 2004
Hutch Thailand unveils doomsday weapon
Where you go? Every conversation in Thailand starts with this question but, if our girlfriends actually knew the answer, life here would be much less fun for us farang fellas. Imagine being forced to carry a homing device that would show her your exact location.
Unfortunately, this nightmare scenario is no longer science fiction. Cellphone operator Hutch Thailand has just unveiled a new service called Navi, which does exactly that. Hutch boasts "Where they goÔø? you will always know." There is a privacy control but your Thai girlfriend would obviously go berserk if you used it.
February 3 2004
Thai mail order brides exposed
Most people assume that your average Thai mail-order bride is a fragrant flower of the exotic East but it didn't take long to assemble this rogues-gallery of real Thai ladies from one of Thailand's better known matchmaking websites. Best quote: "I'm cheerful and not picky."
January 26 2004
Thai girls vs. farang girls
Farang men often fall madly in love with the first Thai girl they meet - even if she's a rough street prostitute who doesn't speak English. Love-sick farang men are queuing up at the altar to tie the knot with their dubious Thai mail-order brides but why don't farang girls stir their passions in the same way?
Thai girls and farang girls could hardly be more different. Put simply, Thai girls are family-orientated and farang girls are increasingly career-orientated. In America, 44% of women aged 15 to 44 have chosen to remain childless and the trend is gathering pace. It's easy to understand their point of view because, as men, we've always pursued our ambitions.
Farang girls enjoy opportunities that their Thai sisters can only dream about. In many ways, life in the West has never been better but it doesn't seem to have translated into greater human happiness. We are witnessing an epidemic of relationship breakdown. Western men and women seem increasingly ill-matched and unhappy. Statistics reveal that dissatisfied western wives are divorcing their husbands in ever-increasing numbers and they can't seem to find suitable replacements either. Does this mean that we farang fellas are all useless?
January 15 2004
Don't quote me #5
January 9 2004
Is his Thai internet bride a con-girl? #3
Now we learn the final twist in the story of Mark, the 46 year-old American accountant who chose an 18 year-old Thai bride from AmericanSingles.com. His concerned friend is actually his ex-girlfriend - and she wants him back. If you haven't done so already, you should read her first and second letters before continuing.
I want to add the final twist: I am actually Mark's ex-girlfriend! Needless to say, as I sit helplessly by, watching this girl, young enough - as you so aptly put it - to be his granddaughter, destroy him, I wonder how much longer I can endure it. But my only goal is to ensure Mark survives this and I desperately need more of your insight to do so.
Mark and I met in grad school 10 years ago and developed a friendship that ultimately evolved into more. Possessing scant knowledge at the time of the combined affects of alcoholism/ADHD on adult behavior, I naively assumed I could save him from himself. After 4 years of living with him, however, I became emotionally and physically exhausted. About 1.5 years ago, I amicably moved to a place near to his apartment, in the hope that my moving would encourage him to seek out any professional help he needed and perhaps we would ultimately reunite. Enter AmericanSingles.com.
January 5 2004
Is his Thai internet bride a con-girl? #2
Today we learn more about the ordeal of Mark, a 46 year-old American accountant who chose an 18 year-old Thai bride from AmericanSingles.com. His concerned friend wrote to me again. If you haven't done so already, you should read her original letter first.
1) For the 5 months while she ("Nok") was back in Bangkok awaiting K-3 approval, and living with the "brother", she talked to Mark (yes, she does have fairly good English) for 2-3 hours every day on phone, and asked him for a divorce at least once a week!! But Mark would always say "no", you must come to the US first, and then I'll give you a divorce;
My question: Whose $ was she living on that enabled her to be available to talk to Mark for 3 hours a day, or was she living off her ponce boyfriend's revenues for a change and would a boyfriend allow her to talk to Mark that much? What made her change her mind and come to the U.S. after all, 5 months later.
January 1 2004
Is his Thai internet bride a con-girl? #1
What happens when a 46 year-old American accountant chooses an 18 year-old Thai bride from AmericanSingles.com. A concerned reader sought my advice about a friend of hers who did exactly that. Predictably, his wife is a con-woman but he's already fallen in love.
One year ago, a childhood friend of mine, a 46-year old accountant, met an 18 year old Thai girl on an internet dating site (AmericanSingles.com). After only a few emails and a couple of weeks, he flew to meet her in Bangkok. He had already purchased a plane ticket prior to meeting her, because he was planning to visit Thailand. According to him, he simply wanted to find someone who would show him around Bangkok for 2 weeks, and this girl ("Nok") was the only Thai girl on AmericanSingles.com that agreed to pick him up at the airport and make hotel reservations for him ahead of time.
Not only did she pick him up at the Don Muang, ALONE, she proceeded to go back with him to his hotel room (one she had booked in advance for him) and spend the night beginning day one and slept in same bed with him! He said he didn't have any idea why she was doing all that so soon, but he didn't try anything "physical" since she was so young. To this day, he doesn't know if she would have done anything in that regard because he didn't make an attempt.
December 30 2003
In praise of Thai girlfriends
Someone's cheeky Thai girlfriend
I'm always writing about devious Thai women who rob lovesick farang men (See Is your Thai sweetheart really a con-woman?), yet I have a Thai girlfriend myself. Before anyone accuses me of being a hypocrite, let's look at the positive side of Thai farang relationships.
Thai women are absolutely delightful. It's true. Nowhere on Earth are women as fun-loving and charming as in Thailand. Somehow they manage to be sweet and demure too. If you add to this their natural beauty, amazingly soft skin, long silky hair and ultra-feminine looks, you have a combination is totally irresistible. Step onto any Bangkok Skytrain and you can spot at least a dozen women who you might happily spend the rest of your life with.
It doesn't stop there. Thais tend to be sociable, well-adjusted people - even when raised in poverty. Large families and cramped conditions have created a race of people who are very easy to live with. Isolated loners who collect guns and pornography are almost unknown.
December 15 2003
Some decisions are for life
Reality soon intrudes when an educated farang marries a simple Thai farm girl. A few months of hormone-induced madness can leave him saddled with an unwanted pet that can't be returned to the shop.
This is a Thai advert for TOA SuperShield paint. It illustrates perfectly the unhappy consequences of making a rash decision. If you ever feel tempted to follow your instincts, remember this ad and punch yourself hard in the groin.
November 24 2003
Bar girl in suburbia #2: Back to prostitution
When a love-sick fool takes his devious Thai sexpot back to suburbia, the relationship is normally doomed to fail. Thai bar girls don't adjust well to life in Farangland and many decide to return home (See Bar girl in suburbia #1: Thai mail order bride). Today, we look at the fate of those who stay.
A bar girl who stays on will eventually find her feet. Her husband might help her to find an unskilled job. He may even be pleased when she meets other Thai girls. What he might not know is that these new friends have their own agenda. Being ex-bar girls themselves, they have big plans for the newcomer. Already accustomed to selling her body, she is a commodity ripe for exploitation.
Her mood improves, the weight comes off and she changes jobs. Now she is working with other Thais - perhaps as a waitress. The hours are a bit strange, though. Her double life has already begun.
November 13 2003
Don't quote me #4
November 11 2003
How to deal with sticky Thai girls
Whether nice girls or bar girls, limpet-like Thai women are easy to meet but hard to shake off and they always try to push the relationship too quickly. Sometimes, they act like a jealous wife after a single date. Thais describe this behaviour as sticky.
When a guy shags a bar girl and waves goodbye, he might assume that the matter is finished but it never is. Later, when she sees him with another girl, there could be an ugly scene. This is pretty rich, considering how many guys she's knocking around with.
Nice girls don't sell their bodies but their behaviour is similar in some respects. A friend of mine recently dated an office girl who he met on the internet. Respectable Thai women are supposed to value their virginity, so he was quite surprised at her eagerness to jump into bed on the first date. When they did the deed, however, it was all a bit perfunctory. The following day, she flew into a rage when he wouldn't discuss marriage. Sensibly, he dumped her - by text message.
October 31 2003
10 ways to keep Thai bar girls happy
1. Alcohol
Your demur Thai bar girl sweetheart will drink you under the table. However, she won't be satisfied with cheap local brands. Only costly imported beverages hit the spot. A huge duty-free bottle of Bailey's is the one thing that might stop her slaughtering your mini-bar.
2. Sweet shit
Thai bar girls love sugary snacks because prancing around that chromium pole and shagging all your mates requires a lot of energy. Let her shovel it in but remember to dump her before the dental bills arrive.
3. Seafood
Thai food is cheap and delicious but don't expect to taste any. Your Thai bar girl will go seafood-crazy when you foot the bill. Even when already gorged with sweet shit, she can still take on a blue whale. Try to keep smiling when she tells her friends to order whatever they want.
October 23 2003
Bar girl in suburbia #1: Thai mail order bride
Thai mail order bride arrives in surburbia
He paid the bar fine, fell in love and married her. She lied to the embassy, got a visa and came to Farangland. In a previous posting (See Is your Thai sweetheart really a con-woman?) I promised to take a look at what happens when a love-sick fool takes his devious sexpot back to suburbia.
These relationships usually fail - at least from the man's point of view. A Thai bar girl's Farangland experience normally follows a predictable pattern that starts with disillusionment and ends with a return to prostitution.
Her transition from Thai bar girl to western call-girl is not always a smooth one but the rewards are attractive. In the west, ambitious young hookers can take their pick of lucrative offers. The poor sod who brought her over is unlikely to take pride in her "success". His plans were probably more conventional.
October 20 2003
Cheating Thai wife throws baby in garbage
Baby killer: Nongnuch McKavinny, 23, from Roi-et
Last Friday, Nongnuch McKavinny, 23, from Roi-et dumped her 5 day-old baby in a Bangkok garbage bin. The boy sustained severe brain damage and is not expected to live. Her husband is British but he wasn't the child's father.
She dumped the infant because she was afraid that her foreign husband would divorce her. The real father was her Thai lover, a 26 year-old Roi-et taxi driver. Yesterday, she was arrested her at her father's house in Roi-et and taken to Lumpini police station in Bangkok where she was charged with attempted murder. It emerged that her family were fully aware of her actions.
The milking of gullible farangs by money-grabbing bitches and their conniving families is commonplace. This case is unusual only in that she was prepared to kill her own baby to keep the scam going. The reports don't reveal whether she used to be a bar girl but she chose to dump the child outside Robinsons Sukhumvit in the heart of the Bangkok's red-light district. I hope they throw the book at her.
October 19 2003
What she says and what she means #2
October 7 2003
Turning a Thai hooker into a lady
Julia Roberts pleasures Richard Gere in Pretty Woman
Have you ever worried about introducing your sexy Thai hooker girlfriend to your family? If so, you are not alone. Throughout history men have pondered the same question.
The idea is irresistible to writers. Jane Austin's Emma and George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion are classic examples. Hollywood set the latter to music and created the movie My Fair Lady. More recent offerings include Pretty Woman, Educating Rita and Maid in Manhattan. The story is always the same. Low-class girl meets upper-class guy who makes her into a lady and usually loses his heart in the process.
Pretty Woman is unique in that it tackles the underlying prostitution theme almost head-on. Businessman Edward (Richard Gere) picks up street hooker Vivian (Julia Roberts) because he needs directions to his hotel (Try telling that to the cops, Richard). He grows fond of her, teaches her good manners and eventually falls in love. Vivian, not content to be his mistress, implausibly turns into a respectable girl and leaves him to go to college. Edward responds with a flower-strewn marriage proposal. Pass the sick-bag please.
Before Pretty Woman, writers had to invent silly pretexts for these unequal relationships. In My Fair Lady, Professor Higgins (Rex Harrison) meets a young girl, Eliza (Audrey Hepburn), selling flowers on the street. He has to turn his slapper into a 19th Century lady in order to win a bet. All Richard Gere had to do was pass one off as an American girl. How hard can that be?
October 2 2003
Is your Thai sweetheart really a conwoman?
Thai sweetheart or Thai conwoman?
Each year, thousands of western men marry a Thai girl only to discover that she's a conwoman. Rich rewards await the smiling perpetrators of this perfect crime. The awful truth is that gold-digging pays. Lonely, soft-hearted men are the hapless victims left without a pot to piss in.
Even when a couple marry with the best intensions, the chances of success are barely 50/50. Mixed race marriages are even more fragile. Throw a Thai con-woman into the mix and your misery is guaranteed. If she is an ex-hooker, the divorce courts won't reproach her for fucking your friends, neighbours and teenage sons either. Her reward will be the same. The child you will be supporting is probably not yours.
In a previous posting (See Why do nice guys marry Thai prostitutes?) I urged sincere, marriage-minded men to beware of girls who are easy to meet. I also promised to write some guidelines about how spot a conwoman. Here they are.
September 27 2003
Don't quote me #2
September 16 2003
Please don't call me at work darling
September 11 2003
Why do nice guys marry Thai prostitutes?
Nice guys only marry Thai prostitutes
In the menu of this website, notice how relationships can be found somewhere between nightlife and sex. Curiously, this is precisely how many western men hook-up with their Thai girlfriends.
Back home, it would be unthinkable to marry a prostitute (Would you pay your own wife for a hand-job behind the bottle-bank?). In Thailand, however, to ask a stranger how he met his partner would be crassness bordering on Tourette's Syndrome. Ex-hooker wives and girlfriends seem to be the norm here.
In fairness, many of them are lovely girls and you would never guess the secrets of their lurid past but others are as rough as fuck. Why do nice guys do it?
Could it be White Knight Syndrome? Planeloads of lonely, kind-hearted guys arrive in Thailand each day and there are plenty of damsels apparently in distress to choose from. The widespread belief that hookers want to be saved is typified by headlines like "37 prostitutes rescued from massage parlour" but they have a rather hollow ring to them. Reports of "37 traders rescued from brokerage house" wouldn't elicit much sympathy would it? If coercion is absent, all that remains is career choice.
When a Thai bar girl says "I want leave bar go school get good job", what she really means is "fund me a life of idle luxury so I can be more selective about the guys I fuck for pleasure and profit behind your back." She already has a cushy number with great pay and perks. It's her straight-laced sisters slaving away in factories and rice paddies that deserve our sympathy. Most guys already know this, so why do they still choose a Thai hooker?
September 6 2003
What she says and what she means #1
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