November 5 2003

Pata Zoo: Bangkok's rooftop secret

When Pata built a department store in Pinglao, they weren't content with installing the usual multiplex cinema. Incredibly, they turned the roof into a zoo full of gorillas, hippos, tigers and bears. You can even stuff your fingers through the bars. It's surely the work of a madman and has to be seen to be believed.

Pata is just over the river from Kaosan Road, so getting there is no hassle. Admission is 200 baht (40 if you can speak Thai) and you enter a true concrete jungle. The cages aren't very spacious, so you can get up close and personal with the inmates. Heaven knows what the animal rights activists would make of it.

At weekends, they also have a stage show. You can handle a python, see the cycling orangutan, join the chimp's tea-party and laugh yourself to death as two overweight but underdressed ladies perform pitiful magic tricks. There's also a fella with a swollen cheek who gets his hair groomed by monkeys. Forget the Royal barge procession - this is real Thai entertainment.

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Pata Zoo: Bangkok's rooftop secret

I brought my Thai girlfriend along too. We started on the sixth floor, where they keep the snakes and creepy crawlies. They don't do much for me but, having eaten the things as a child, my girlfriend reckoned that they looked quite tasty. It's lucky for them that they live behind thick glass.

The section with the big animals is on the roof above and the most interesting bit is the monkey house. Every one of them has a different coloured arse, a permanent erection and no inhibitions. Their antics are hilarious. An orangutan beckoned my girlfriend over, pursed its lips and then spat on her blouse. My laughter was cut short when it gobbed on me too. I wonder who taught the red-haired freak how to do that.

The tiger paces its small cage in a rather psychotic way - following the same path time after time. It obviously needs to get out more. You have to feel sorry for it but how else could you get this close without risking your life?

Pata Zoo: Bangkok's rooftop secret

The zoo has a fully-equipped bear pit with half a dozen residents. You can throw them bread rolls at 5 baht a go and they do some amazing mid-air catches. We aimed a little behind them in the hope that they might tip-over backwards but they are obviously wise to that trick.

Some years ago, there was a fire in the shop below which rapidly spread to the zoo. Unfortunately, the firemen couldn't save the animals. It must have been quite a barbeque.

Pata zoo is popular with Thai families at weekends but I was the only farang there - perhaps because it doesn't feature in the guidebooks. Some westerners might be concerned at the treatment of the larger animals. If you want to take a look before making up your own mind, leave your vegetarian buddies at home.

[Posted to Activities by David]

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Readers' comments

Billy Brown says:

Perhaps this David might like to go in the cage with the Orangutans and see how funny it is then.........

If anyone finds his article even slightly appealing then you are a sick individual indeed and I hope when your life ends - it is at the mercy of an animal !!!

November 13, 2003 8:48 PM

DaveMcK says:

Get him told you Brown get

I hope I'm there to see it when the lovely likkle animals turn on you too David... I'll join you in beating the animal bastids into bloody pulps.... with sticks through the bars of their fkn cages!

Brown you stupid twat! They are in cages!!! What are they going to do? Pick the locks?

They are here for our pleasure! And food!!!
beat em and eat em I say...

mmmm

beaten animals........ drool.........

November 15, 2003 2:30 AM

Fingers says:

Spot on Billy Brown. I've met this cunt David before at the Orangutan rehabilitation centre in Sumatra. People had travelled from all over the world to witness the fantastic spectacle of mummy and baby orangutans descend from the trees for their daily feed. David, meanwhile had brought along his laser pen and in the thirty minutes I was with him, managed to burn out the retinas of at least four orangutans before he was taken away by the Indonesian military whence he was fucked up the arse before being released without charge. He is sick fuck (but he knows some great bars in Bangkok and has a soft spot for kittens, so don't diss him). Fingers

November 16, 2003 11:09 PM

animal rights activist says:

i dont see wats ment to be so funny about a article like this?..... its pathetic realy... who finds animal neglectince funny? its sick and twisted... animals arent here purely for our entertainment... if u want to get up close and personal with a wild animal try makin it fair by doin it in their natural environment instead of hiding behind bars...i only hope david finds himself at the mercy of an animal one day... who knows maybe the beast mite ave more soul...

May 12, 2006 7:17 AM

arashi says:

thinks thats bad,you should see how they treat dogs in south korea.The dogs outgrow the cages but live their til they're eaten.

July 1, 2006 12:21 PM

philH says:

Are you the same animal rights activist that objected to the conger cuddling contest in Lyme Regis this year?

For those of you that missed this one I'll explain.

Every year they have a fair in Lyme Regis, Dorset UK in aid of the RNLI (Royal National Lifeboat Institution). One of the attractions is a contest where two people stand on wooden blocks and swing dead conger eels at each other.

Yeah I know, wierd, but this is what goes for entertainment in the UK. If it happened in downtown Pattaya it would be all over the tabloids "Fishy pervs in Thailand wet eel sex romp".

Anyway it goes on all afternoon and the last "man" standing wins.

This year though, an animal rights activist complained that the event did not exhibit respect for dead animals and threatened a protest. So the RNLI, being the good guys they are and wishing to avoid controversy, cancelled the event.

So next time your missus comes back from the market with some fish for supper lay it on the table and respectfully observe a minutes silence. Then chop it's bluddy 'ead orf and chuck it in the frying pan.

August 31, 2006 3:38 PM

oron yacov says:

hi

my name is oron

i am from israel

and i have collection

of zoo maps (brochures)

from ol over the world

i very appreciate if you can

to send my one from yor wonderful zoo

(if you have mor wildlife material like

newspaper or pictures i by very happy!!!)

thank you very much

oron yacov

har sinai 2/4

hadera 38000

israel

November 21, 2006 10:56 PM

philH says:

A collection of zoo maps?

Pheeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!

Speachless fuckin' speachless!

November 22, 2006 1:46 PM

Jack Wow says:

Dear Oron, I too am a collector of zoo maps. I have in my possesion an immaculate Pata Zoo brochure. I am prepared to part with it in exchange for the highly sought after Uzbekistani Tashkent Zoo brochure.
I hope we can do a deal here.

I look forward to your reply.

November 22, 2006 10:05 PM

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