October 3 2003

Boxing orangutans rumble at Safari World

Boxing orangutans rumble in Bangkok

Orangutans boxing at Safari World, Thailand

In spite of dodgy red hair and a tendency to masturbate in public, orangutans are much admired for their intellect. They can't be that smart though because at Safari World near Bangkok they've been persuaded to punch each other's lights out for our viewing pleasure.

In a performance guaranteed to outrage animal rights activists, trainer Khun Ghazali has taught them genuine Thai boxing moves. Kitted out in shorts and padded gloves, the beasts take to the ring cheered on by provocatively clad orange females. It's not known whether they rape each other later in hotel rooms.

Nurses are on hand in case things get bloody. However, their expertise is probably limited to treating minor injuries since they too are apes. Their white uniforms look smart enough though.

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If you have ever visited that army base outside Phnom Penh where they blow up buffalos with rocket-propelled grenades, you will probably enjoy this show too. The fuzzy fighters use fists, elbows, knees and feet to deliver skilful punches. However, just like in WBO bouts, biting off ears is not permitted. The winner is decided by a knockout.

Before anyone calls Don King, it has to be said that the participants are juveniles and they play the thing for laughs. No one in their right mind would want to take on an adult. A fully grown orangutan can rip a man's arm off, no bother. Even thinking about stealing his banana would be sheer folly.