March 30 2007
Hackers attack Bangkok discussion boards
The hackers who yesterday attacked and disabled Mango Sauce also targeted 2Bangkok.com. Both denial of service (DoS) attacks happened simultaneously on the eve of a major political rally against Thailand's military junta.
This can't be a coincidence. My guess is that someone is testing the vulnerabilities of Bangkok's most popular Internet forums so that they can be quickly silenced in the event of a national crisis.
Most Thailand-based forums - like19sep.org - have already been shut down, blocked or heavily censored by shadowy pro-government organisations but attacking websites located outside Thailand (Mango Sauce is hosted in the US) represents a dramatic escalation of this campaign.
March 28 2007
Boom boom now or your testicles fry
Like many modern couples, Chiang Mai's platonic pandas, Chuang Chuang and Lin Hui, are struggling to put the desire back into domesticity. Hectic days spent climbing trees and eating bamboo are leaving them too tired for steamy nights of passion.
Just over a year ago, the pandas were "married" in a service conducted by zoo officials. In hindsight, this was probably a mistake because, for most creatures, sex after marriage is about as likely as life after death.
March 27 2007
MySpace date ends in trailer park pissing party
Trailer park Jane weighs in at 350 pounds and can barely lift herself off the couch. Her alcoholic stepfather coached her how to look retarded so she could claim welfare benefits and she's now trying to squeeze out a couple of rug rats to increase her entitlement. The only problem is that 99% of American men are unwilling to have sex with her.
When my Thai ex first moved to the US, life in a rural trailer park nearly drove her mad. When it came to choosing friends, she couldn't be too picky. Most afternoons, Jane would drop by to watch TV and munch her way through a bucket of Wal-Mart toffees.
March 25 2007
Big Jimmy laments Thai love lost
Big Jimmy's achy breaky heart is flatlining after a bust-up with his Thai dreamgirl, Lee, so he's enlisted the help of Mr. Panda and the gang to win her back.
March 23 2007
Don't call me Papa: Thailand's losers in love
Dropping your false teeth onto the pool table is an unorthodox seduction technique but I recently saw it used by an elderly gentleman in a Soi 4 beer bar. Predictably, it misfired almost as badly as the girl's next shot.
As for bad chat-up lines, my personal favourite is "don't be scared girlie girl." These five little words are sure to make her blood run cold. Eliciting a "fight or flight" response from the object of your affection always gets you noticed and Keith "I am not a paedophile" Summers probably uses it all the time.
March 21 2007
Louis Theroux and the Thai introduction agencies
Louis Theroux's toe-curlingly funny exposé of dubious Thai introduction agencies has finally appeared on YouTube. Like a posh version of Borat, the British/American filmmaker uses a potent mix of faux-naivety and charm to pose outrageously impertinent questions to his unsuspecting victims.
First under the microscope is the diminutive Ronnie Conrad of Anglo-Thai Introductions. Like a matchmaking Jeeves to Theroux's Wooster, Ronnie - looking dapper in his trademark tank top, flat cap and cravat - gives Louis the heads up on Thai girls before introducing him to "the ladies."
March 18 2007
Bonking Belgians may eye up Bjorn Borg's briefs
Phuket waitress, Arm, was videoed by her French boyfriend, Greg Garcia, lying to a Belgian punter who had called to check up on her.
Greg now wishes to point out that the sucker on the other end of the line was not, as I reported, her restaurant-owning Belgian sugar daddy but a different and entirely unrelated bonking Belgian.
In my defence, I have to point out that it was an easy mistake to make. The very existence of Belgium has yet to filter into the collective Thai consciousness so who could have guessed that Arm was actually having it off with two of them? As Oscar Wilde might have said, to shag one Belgian may be regarded as a misfortune, to shag two looks like carelessness - but at least she'll never run out of exquisite handmade chocolates.
I owe you an apology, Greg. Your girlfriend is a bigger tart than I gave her credit for.
March 14 2007
Nightlight: Missionary position for Thai prostitutes
The old, the sick and the incontinent always need our help but, quite frankly, they're a dreary bunch so it's easy to understand why the Christian missionaries of Nightlight Bangkok have dumped them in favour of wooing the sexy Thai prostitutes of Nana Plaza.
A leper will always have the odd window in his diary but a yummy Thai prostitute's telephone never stops ringing. Nightlight's missionaries have no option but to queue up behind all the other punters and, to make matters worse, they can only afford to pay 200 baht for long-time.
March 12 2007
Nana Plaza bible-bashers hoodwink BBC's Kate McGeown
Helpless child sex-slaves make for a great story but how does an ambitious BBC foreign correspondent track down these mythical creatures in Nana Plaza amongst a fun-loving army of Anna Nichole Smith wannabes?
Most sensation-seeking journalists would just shag a few prostitutes and make something up but, to add weight to her clichéd portrayal of Nana Plaza as Bangkok's very own Heart of Darkness, the BBC's Kate McGeown wanted nothing less than a firsthand account.
A regular at Bangkok's Foreign Correspondents Club (FCC), Kate McGeown has been knocking around Asia for years and knows perfectly well that Nana Plaza is just a run-of-the-mill bunch of girly bars. Her male colleagues regard the place as a second home.
She could have interviewed just about anyone sitting at the FCC bar or simply walked across the road to investigate the place for herself but, instead, McGeown bases her exposé on the unchallenged testimony of a PR woman in the paid employment of a bunch of donation-seeking religious wackos.
March 8 2007
Follow-the-bargirl con-trick sweeps Bangkok
If you told your girlfriend that you were going for a quiet drink with Tim and Tom, she'd never guess that you were planning a massive three-way with a deliciously incestuous twist. However, before anyone gets the wrong idea, I should add that Tim and Tom are sisters who dance in the same Bangkok go-go bar.
March 7 2007
Keith Summers gives us Stickman porn
Stickman's head on a naked woman's body does nothing for me but his stalker, Keith Summers, feels differently and has posted his photoshopped fantasy girl onto the web. When it comes to choosing wank-fodder, I guess it's each to his own.
Stickporn junkies can get their fix here but the image isn't worksafe and Summers - who purports to be a campaigner for online standards - has yet to post a section 2257 compliance notice assuring us that Stickman was at least 18 years of age when the said visual depiction was created.
March 6 2007
King Power chief drops Suvarnabhumi clanger
Page after page of shameless plugs amply illustrate that Lookeast Magazine is the dumpster slut of Bangkok publishing but a fluffy advertorial in the December issue inadvertently fingers duty free retailer, King Power, as the chief architect of the daily misery inflicted on passengers at Suvarnabhumi Airport.
March 5 2007
Netchwatch: Anti-farang chick quits BK Magazine
A week of high profile resignations in Thai public life has culminated in the departure of leading anti-farang activist, Netchanok Klinkesorn, from her unpaid internship at Bangkok's free weekly English language ad-rag, BK Magazine.
Distributed through Starbucks and Coffee World, BK Magazine is seldom read but ideal for mopping up spillages. Khun Netchanok's piss-poor contributions didn't look out of place but Naughty or nice? Peeking up Bangkok skirts for the best lingerie in issue 172 turned out to be her swansong.
March 2 2007
Nana Disco "walk of shame"
The freak show known as "chucking-out time at the Nana Disco" has been caught on video. For the countless prostitutes pretending to be "good girls," this 3am "walk of shame" is their last chance to hook-up with a free-spending tourist before joining the massed ranks of ladyboys, streetwalkers and battle-hardened whoremongers loitering in the Nana Hotel parking lot.
If the topic weren't so taboo, you might see this clip on National Geographic's Amazing Moments. A mass hatching of sea turtles can't hold a candle to this nightly spectacle.
March 1 2007
Phuket waitress cuckolds farang sugar daddy
When you're dating a dodgy Thai girl, it's always fun to watch how she juggles her retinue of farang buffaloes but French sex-tourist, Greg Garcia, has gone one step further and videoed his Phuket playmate's devious antics.
Arm's farang sugar daddy has just called to check up on her. "I don't have boyfriend," purrs the toothsome sex pixie as she wiggles her tongue suggestively at Greg who is sitting beside her.
March 1 2007
Chotiros Suriyawong punished for "that dress"
No one remembers who won the 2007 "Thai Oscars" because big-titted Thammasat student, Chotiros Suriyawong, 22, stole the show in a few scraps of black satin held together by a shoelace. If only she'd asked, I could have assisted the busty young starlet by putting my finger on her knot.
Previously
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
December 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
