October 30 2006

Pattaya: City of Whoremongers

In a bid to buff-up Pattaya's tarnished reputation, Egg TV has assembled a peerless cast of boggle-eyed freaks and dyed-in-the-wool whoremongers to sing the city's praises in a crudely edited documentary called "Pattaya: City of Smiles."

dogs bollocks

While showing off his heavily tattooed forearms and gold sovereign knuckleduster, the bullet-headed proprietor of the hooligan-friendly Dog's Bollocks pub complains that the Western media always portray Pattaya residents as either sex tourists or brothel owners - before revealing that his own prostitutes are tested for sexually transmitted diseases every fifteen days.

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October 28 2006

Thai teens get high on buffalo dung

dung beetle

The next time you're laying out a line of coke with your platinum card, spare a thought for those unfortunate Thai teens who can only get high by inhaling buffalo dung from a plastic bag.

Dung sniffing is particularly prevalent in Thailand's Muslim-dominated Deep South - where alcohol is frowned upon - but, with the legal drinking age being raised to twenty, this unglamorous practice could now spread nationwide.

The street value of buffalo crap is set to soar.

October 25 2006

Ning from Nong Khai wins divorce lottery

When Chris from Kent got fucked over by Ning from Nong Khai he turned his two million baht ordeal into a video diary. Predictably, the poor sod blames everyone except the girl and the penny hasn't dropped that she was scamming him from day one.

english_guy.jpg

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcDE06NTzeI

The most interesting aspect of the case is the role played by the British Government - which actively encourages third-world criminals to fleece its own citizens.

October 6 2006

Hua Hin: Spa resort or brothel town?

Hua Hin can't decide whether it's a classy spa resort for the likes of David Beckham or a seedy brothel town more suitable for Wayne Rooney. Thailand's oldest and grandest beach resort is currently trying to be both and, by default, it's rapidly becoming the latter.

Hua Hin horse

Our relaxing afternoon on Hua Hin's sandy beach was interrupted by a skanky-looking hooker who had tracked down her client from the previous night.

"Why you not want me?" she screamed at the bewildered tourist. "You think I low person? You fucking shit guy..." etc.

October 3 2006

Singapore's babe drought intensifies

babe drought

The repercussions of Singapore's chronic babe drought go way beyond a simple lack of eye-candy (See Singapore girl, you're a great plate of fries). Any woman who looks half-reasonable can hit potential suitors with the classic double-whammy of stellar expectations plus a seriously bad attitude.

Datukmike explains the problem:

The financial centre is full of some seriously attractive women. The only problem is they are looking for extremely heavy wallets and stock or property portfolios.

Generally the Singapore women are not that good to be with. They either think they are Western and talk with fake whiney Yankee accents and pretend to be over-the-top outgoing and bubbly - any trip out involving at least one jewellery shop - or they have the personality of a slug. Mind you, both groups still shag the same so you make your choice based on affordability and what annoys you least.

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