September 26 2006

Tanks for the memories: Tejero in Thailand

tejero

Lieutenant-Colonel Antonio Tejero's 1981 bid to overthrow Spain's fledgling democracy was thwarted by his preposterous hat and comedy moustache. Thailand's new military leaders have learned some important lessons from his mistakes.

Tejero served 15 years in jail for staging the abortive coup but his bad impersonation of Inspector Clouseau went completely unpunished.

Today, he lives quietly near the coastal resort of Malaga but, had Tejero retired to Pattaya, the world's favourite anti-democracy activist might, right now, be drawing up a list of demands:

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September 25 2006

NOT Stickman's Guide to Bangkok

not stickman

Stickman fans will be in for a treat when they discover the deliciously subversive "NOT Stickman's Guide to Bangkok."

Every Thursday, Stickman's nemesis, John Galt, rips the piss out of our favourite "Bangkok Commentator" and then goes on to show him how a Thailand nightlife column should be written. He also talks knowledgably about living and working in Thailand.

Galt's style is actually quite reminiscent of the early Stickman before he developed an inexplicable distaste for the "naughty nightlife" and we could be witnessing the Thailand Webmaster equivalent of a military coup.

September 20 2006

Goodbye Mr Thaksin and good riddance

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Thaksin's looting spree has finally been brought to an end by the Thai authorities and no one seems sorry to see him go - except foreign heads of state.

As vintage tanks rumbled towards Government House, panicking officials at the Finance Ministry were seen removing large piles of documents. With the shredders working overtime, it could take months or even years to track down Thaksin's billions.

September 16 2006

Singapore girl, you're a great plate of fries

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Looking deliciously tactile in their soft, skin-tight uniforms, the legendary Singapore Girls of Singapore Airlines tend to be graceful ethnic Chinese beauties with impeccably applied makeup and incongruously slutty 1970s first names like Sharon or Tracy.

As she bends to fill your glass, a glimpse of fragrant Singapore Girl cleavage creates the kind of thrill that could make a man stow his tray table involuntarily.

I explored Singapore for the first time this week but, instead of hitting the Singapore Girl mother lode as expected, I unearthed the shocking truth is that pretty girls are as thin on the ground in the streets and malls of this prosperous city state as they are in London or New York.

September 14 2006

Farangs go home

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Discouraging foreigners from residing or investing here is a big vote-winner in xenophobic Thailand so it comes as no surprise that, as the election draws closer, the populist (but unpopular) Thaksin administration is announcing ever-stricter curbs on us.

This week's scrapping of the popular investment visa means that those foreigners willing to invest a few million baht or more in Thailand are no longer guaranteed entry. If your investment happens to be a condo purchased as a permanent home, this could prove inconvenient to say the least.

When you consider how capricious the Thai Government can be, belated assurances that existing investment visas will be renewed don't exactly inspire confidence.

Only a mug would buy a condo without a rock-solid guarantee that he could actually live there so I feel sorry for those who were hoodwinked into paying (or, in many cases, overpaying) for one. The second-hand market is flat enough as it is without having to cope with plunging demand.

September 12 2006

Sexy girls from war zones

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Amidst the squalor of an Angolan refugee camp, a photojournalist chum couldn't help but notice that some of the starving women, in their ragged bras and knickers, were seriously hot.

Documenting a heart-rending tableau of human misery is far from easy when near-naked Angolan eye-candy keeps wandering into your shot.

Years of travel have convinced my friend that the world's most notorious war zones and trouble spots are also home to the world's hottest babes and, today, I intend to put his theory to the test.

September 11 2006

Bangkok Post attacks Mango Sauce

wanted

The Bangkok Post has falsely accused me of inciting a hate campaign against Guru journalist Lyle Walter. In an article published in Friday's Guru supplement, Narin Taylor claims that Mango Sauce contributors are guilty of "ganging up on a woman and a mother," hurling "lewd sexual insults" and sending "numerous hate mails" - allegations that are either completely untrue or, at best, greatly exaggerated.

Narin concludes that:

These people should be called a bunch of... what's the slang term for female dogs?

For having the temerity to suggest that one of Lyle's articles contained some implied criticism of farang men, I've been branded a "bitch" in a national newspaper - along with all the other Mango Sauce contributors who Narin also dismisses as "sheep."

Many readers will already be aware that "bitch" - when applied to a man - is the most offensive insult in the Thai language. It's the equivalent of calling someone a "cunt" in English and, quite frankly, I'm surprised that the Bangkok Post printed it.

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