June 27 2004
Thai food: Nice bits for me, nasty bits for her
In Farangland, feeding your Thai wife is a logistical nightmare. A new husband quickly realises the importance of providing his teerak with authentic Thai food 24 hours a day - because tearful hunger-strikes are hard to ignore.
When suitable Asian supermarkets have been located and when expensive Thai take-outs finally give way to home cooking, an unexpected upside reveals itself. Amazingly, whenever you're sharing a cut of meat, she genuinely prefers to eat the horrible fatty tough dangly bits - leaving all the edible parts for you.
At my local chicken noodles stand, the vendor is all too happy to offload the breast and thigh onto me. Most Thai customers, including my girlfriend, prefer the feet, wings, hearts, bums and even beaks.
Last time, however, the vendor made a mistake and we both ended up with Thai road-kill soup. While my girlfriend was up ordering a replacement for me, I pushed the two bowls together and rearranged the contents so that a beak was poking out of mine and a pair of feet were sticking out of hers. On her return, I used a chopstick to perform a low-budget version of the popular magic trick known as cutting the lady in half.
It's not just a chicken-related phenomenon. I eat the fleshy parts of grilled king prawns but my girlfriend prefers to suck the brains out of their heads and to crunch their tails between her teeth. When I eat lean pork, she loves to chew on the rolls of fatty skin - particularly when they're still covered in hair.
June 26 2004
Farang ex-wife gets the message
Before he moved to Thailand, Mango Sauce reader Neil was taken to the cleaners by his farang wife.
I had been down the same path as most of the permanent ex-pat community here - married to a fat farang bitch, house and all my possessions stolen etc.
Wishing to move on but not being one for writing long letters (See The best divorce letter ever written) he sent her this photo instead.
I heard no more of her whining after that...
Neil is now happily married to the young lady sitting on his left and they've been together for over ten years.
June 22 2004
Disruption to normal service
"Traffic" and "raining" are the classic Thai excuses for not turning up. Mango Sauce will also exhibit a less-than-perfect attendance record this month because I'm busy visiting family and friends in the UK.
My mates will get to hear tales of misbehaviour judged too naughty for Mango Sauce and, consequently, they will want to move to Thailand at once - after divorcing the wife, selling the house, and drowning the kids in a bucket. They spend half the year over here already on the flimsy pretext of coming to visit me (they tell their wives how lonely I am) but I suspect that my new-found popularity would fade if I relocated to Saudi Arabia.
My family, on the other hand, will learn of a Thailand rich in culture and tradition - a fitting home from home for a displaced Englishman with a keen interest in temple architecture and delicious spicy food.
While my wide-eyed nieces and nephews are held spellbound by my tales of swashbuckling adventure in the exotic East ("...so I flipped her over, like, and..."), the rest of my family will, of course, continue to believe that I'm a sleazy washed-up idler who habitually snorts lines of Charlie off a prostitute's bare arse. Let's hope that they never discover Mango Sauce, or my strenuous denials will carry even less weight.
While I'm away, my Thai girlfriend will obviously be inconsolably lonely - a bit like Tom Hanks was in Sleepless in Seattle. If, however, one of my so-called mates is tempted to "pop over to cheer her up" his photo and personal details will be posted to Mango Sauce under the heading "RuPaul's true identity revealed."
June 21 2004
Masie's dramatic soft toy confession
After our little run-in last week (See My never-ending rants about farang women), Masie, the British farang female Bangkok-based blogger who writes masiepullsitoff has decided to open her heart to me.
It becomes boring to meet farang men and have them wink, nudge and say things like "you must be gasping for it", and a little frustrating when every discussion comes down to whether or not I'm getting any. The joke is a little worn, don't you think? And can't quite agree with Dave that everything he writes is "gentle parody". Remember this?
"There is, however, some hope for our sex-starved farang chicks with attitude. A few thrifty guys have plugged into this niche market to save themselves 1,000 baht a night. Reportedly, it's like shooting blonde pussy in a barrel. The wise swordsman will go back to her place, boot the soft toys off the bed and quickly dump his load before getting back to join the lads for last orders."
Lucky us.
Why does Masie call me Dave? Abbreviation is an affliction for some people. If my name was "Ng" she'd probably shorten it. She is, however, my favourite British farang female Bangkok-based blogger so I'll cut her a bit of slack on this occasion.
If she isn't getting any, then it would be insensitive of me to rub her nose in it but I did ask her whether she had any soft toys.
June 20 2004
Living with a Thai hooker
The manager of a well-known Bangkok go-go bar struck up a relationship with one of his girls. She carried on dancing but no one was allowed to barfine her. When he returned from a two-week trip to Farangland, however, the books revealed that she'd been with other guys every single night. Naturally, he felt unhappy about this and asked her to stop work altogether. She did for a while but, later, had to start again out of necessity. They're still together but, to spare his blushes, she now works in a different go-go bar.
Not every Thai hooker has a heart of stone and, sometimes, true love blossoms in a dreary hotel room over a heap of used condoms. If her farang lover earns good money, then their relationship might prosper. However, if he's in low-paid employment such as bar work or English teaching, then the new couple are often faced with a painful dilemma.
Her sister's son still has leukaemia, her father still needs his whisky and hookers and her mother's boyfriend still has his gambling debts. Cutting the money supply would create serious problems for all of them - and they wouldn't hesitate to inflict emotional blackmail.
Should our weary Thai hooker settle down with her low-paid farang boyfriend or should she carry on selling her body to support her family? Should she choose personal happiness or family responsibility? Unsurprisingly, she usually chooses both - with or without her partner's approval.
Love-sick fools often confront their girl with an angry ultimatum. They rationalise their actions by labelling her nearest and dearest as a bunch of wastrels and malingerers. Perhaps some of them are - but our indignant guy should consider that the kind of woman who cheerfully abandons her own family is unlikely to give him any lasting loyalty.
June 19 2004
She Comes Home to Me
Adam Sandler sings She Comes Home to Me
Some guys take pride in the fact that their favourite Thai bar girl doesn't charge them for sex. She might even move in. Here's a rather appropriate song written by Adam Sandler, which he performs in the style of Frank Sinatra.
Though I have been a fool for love
I have finally made my score
I got a girl, and I don't mean to boast
But she loves me the most
Even though she's a highly paid whore
She'll give head to a sheik
She can stuff three cocks in her cheek
But she comes home to me
She'll do the groom and the best man
She'll slap your ass in the back of a van
But she comes home to meShe could fuck nine guys in a row
But still have a tenth for me
And I'm the only one who gets to kiss them lips
Unless you pay an extra fifty
So mister, don't you fall in love
Cause I'm the only cat who doesn't wear a glove
Since her heart belongs to me
June 18 2004
Regional fall-back options
Blah, blah, blah... they're going to clamp down on consecutive tourist visas. It's the same alarmist bollocks on every Thailand web-board. Given that this would effectively expel half the farangs currently living here (and, more importantly, their money), the idea is laughable.
Of course, many readers will argue that the Thai government often does silly things - and they'd be right - but have you ever seen them introduce measures that would slash the income of the ruling classes? (I'm not talking about bar owners. I'm referring to the plutocrats who own the expensive farang-friendly apartment buildings - people like the PM's wife). I don't think so.
Mass expulsions that defy economic logic do occasionally happen in crazy third world countries (for example, in Uganda) so it's still a good idea to have a regional fall-back option.
Laos: If you meet an Isaan woman who's beautiful, charming and totally unspoiled then I'm afraid you've inadvertently wandered across the border into Laos. The dead hand of Communism has preserved a way of life not seen in Thailand for 40 years. It also boasts decent French food, wine and architecture. Before we get too carried away, though, I have to point out that the only entertainment on offer is the weak overspill signal of Thai terrestrial television. Fuck that.
Burma: Sometimes, as we cross Burma, the little white plane on the seat-back monitor (it's my favourite in-flight entertainment channel - but the plot moves rather slowly at times) passes over a place called Cox's Bazaar. It sounds mysterious and exotic - but common sense suggests that it's a total shit-hole. Fuck that.
June 17 2004
I want our baby NOW!
"She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever known and the best lover I have ever had" says Mango Sauce reader JDMAN (52). It's no surprise then that he wants to retire to Thailand and set up home with his dream-girl (28) - and she wants his baby too.
JDMAN is no fool. Two previous marriages to American women left him financially burned and he's in no hurry to marry again. He still has a retirement income of $100,000 a year, though, so his new life in Thailand should be very comfortable - if he plays his cards right. This is why he needs some help and advice.
Can a Thai girl be sincere about wanting kids outside of a marriage? I have a dream of moving to Thailand to live and raise a family with an "ex-bargirl" who I have known for four years. So many of the posts on Mango Sauce suggest this will be a huge mistake. However, I am very committed to the goal and would appreciate feedback on how to do it safely and with the highest probability of success.
I have travelled to Thailand at least a dozen times over the last six years and fell in love with the place on my first visit. Like most men in their late 40's I was immediately enthralled by the beauty, grace, and fun-loving nature of Thai girls. I have been married twice to American girls and while both were great ladies initially, things went south eventually. Most annoying was that they both let themselves go physically while I kept myself in great shape (6'2'' 185). Eventually it turned me off to look at them and my dick told them what was "going down" so to speak.
June 16 2004
Maradona, my voyeuristic Thai gecko
Every room in Thailand is assigned its own gecko (known locally as a jing-joke). Defying gravity with their sticky feet, they're often found on the ceiling. Mine is called Maradona - after the footballer with the famously adhesive feet and, on occasion, hands. Both have highly dilated pupils. Grabbing a gecko's tail will cause it to detach. The same may also be true of the diminutive sportsman's nose - however, in his case, it probably won't grow back.
Maradona's appetite for insects is to be applauded but, when I'm on the job, it's disconcerting to know that his beady little eyes are taking it all in. I do hope that he isn't wanking.
Being a Thai gecko isn't without its problems, though. Here's a piece from last Saturday's Bangkok Post entitled "Man found in possession of 400 geckoes."
Udom Prasunthorn, 41, was arrested by wildlife officials at a forest plantation in the Mae Mo district of Lampang. More than 400 geckoes were found in a sack recovered from the victim's pick-up truck. Mr Udon reportedly confessed to having been contacted by a trader who paid about 3 baht per gecko. He was charged with violating the Wildlife Protection Act.
Senior wildlife official Bovorn Kuldilok said that many northeasterners believed eating geckoes could increase their libido. The lizard was also a popular delicacy abroad, particularly in Taiwan.
June 15 2004
Google loves our Thai "gote"
Knowing the search terms that people use to find your site is one of the best perks of being a webmaster. By feeding them back into Google, you can find out which ones have achieved their coveted #1 ranking. Type in "Thai gote" for example, and up pops Mango Sauce in pole position:
Hi. I am lady from Korat and i reed you're mango leter. I think you dont know thai lady very well. ... i will do everything, even with dog or gote if you want.
www.mangosauce.com/ sex/korat_gote_girl_shit_on_table.php - 35k
Who could resist clicking on that? Mango Sauce also has the top spot for land of vertical smiles, Thai slappers, farang monster cock, huge Thai boobs, Asian supermodel minge and young Asian girl dick worshippers.
A surprise #1 entry for Bangkok mail order husbands reveals that more than a few lonely farang women have resorted to desperate measures.
One of our regular contributors might be interested to learn that Dana ladyboy bum love has also won Mango Sauce a top slot - as has How to bum rape Shu Qi and Lena Li.
June 14 2004
My Thai girlfriend's unusual cruelty
As a child, my Thai girlfriend used to enjoy playing Badminton. As dusk fell, however, a new and, for her, far more enjoyable game would begin - smacking low-flying bats with her racquet. Conservationists would have been appalled at the scene of carnage as the twitching bodies of the harmless furry insect-eaters piled up at her feet. "We do every day but after one week they not come" she lamented.
Holidaying together in Cha-am, we spent one happy evening chasing crabs on the beach. Our struggling prisoners were detained in a plastic bag. My girlfriend wanted to keep the cowering crustaceans in our bathroom where, no doubt, she planned to subject them to inhuman and degrading treatment. She was furious when I set them free.
In Jackass: The Movie a sea cucumber dangles provocatively from the shorts of an irresponsible swimmer. As he rubs it, the beast ejaculates spurts of white liquid in a rather suggestive manner. When the sea-cucumbers of Koh Samed failed to ejaculate when she poked them with a stick, my girlfriend became bored and took to battering blameless limpets with a rock. I had to physically restrain her before she inflicted irreparable damage on the island's fragile coastal ecosystem.
That evening, her reputation was tarnished further when, during our romantic candlelit dinner under the stars, she proceeded to masturbate a stray dog with her foot. To her dismay, it too failed to ejaculate.
June 13 2004
Thailand: A great place to be ill
The Pattaya bar-fly who drinks himself into a coma can't expect too many visits from his farang drinking buddies. They're too busy keeping his seat warm. His favourite Thai bar girls will probably turn up, though, and it's quite possible that they'll take turns to keep him company. Passing away with a bar girl holding your hand isn't such a bad way to go. It's certainly better than lying undiscovered of the floor of your London apartment for six months before police kick the door down.
We farangs don't like to get too close to the messy business of sickness and dying but the Thais seem to relish any opportunity to demonstrate their compassion. I've no reason to doubt their sincerity either. Thai soap operas often feature hordes of weeping relatives attending the hospital bed of someone with a sprained finger and it's a bit like that in real life too. Twenty-four hour vigils are the norm rather than the exception.
Consequently, it's very hard for us farangs to meet the care expectations of our Thai girlfriends when they become ill. The western concept of suffering in silence is unknown to them.
Yesterday, my Thai girlfriend's hair got a bit wet when I surprised her in the shower. She wasn't complaining at the time but, subsequently, her damp hair sparked a major health crisis. She reported muscle aches, sore eyes, exhaustion and a litany of other symptoms. The outward sign of her condition was a slight sniffle.
I just couldn't take it seriously and she got really pissed off. Finally, when I teased her with a display of mock concern, her vitality came flooding back and she hurled me onto the sofa with the strength of ten men before attempting to crush my windpipe with her tiny doll-like hands. It was a miracle recovery by any standards.
June 12 2004
Fluent Thai in just 30 seconds
Impress the locals without even opening a boring phrase book. Today we learn how to speak fluent Thai in just 30 seconds.
Air: Air con
Apart-men: Apartment
Arap: Arab
Ayt-cream: Ice cream
Bar: Bar
Beer: Beer
Boom boom: boom boom
Cee-dee: CD
Coh-cain: Cocaine
Com-piu-ter: Computer
Condo: Condo
Condom: Condom
Da-wid Bek-hairm: David Beckham
Dow: Down (cash deposit)
Dee-wee-dee: DVD
E-mai: Email
Fut-born: Football
Furni-ture: Furniture
Gan-jah: Ganja
Gay: Gay
Gin Tonic: Gin & Tonic
Gof: Golf
Green Tea: Green Tea
Hello: Hello (when answering phone)
Internet: Internet
Lesbian show: Lesbian show
June 11 2004
BusterB loves women but hates feminists
Feminist bitches and their woman-hating sparring partners have nothing new to teach us. In my view, their noisy debate drowns out the voices of reasonable guys who love women but who also have genuine concerns about their increasingly negative attitudes towards men - attitudes that are constantly being reinforced by the western media.
In advertising, men are often portrayed as the dimwit guy outsmarted by his sassy female companion. The dozy twat can't get the car insured but his clever girlfriend goes to the AA website and does it in seconds. Women love this shit but it makes me cringe. Shooting a role-reversal version would be totally unacceptable because - despite mountains of evidence to the contrary - women still see themselves as victims in a male-dominated society. In my view, men are more likely to be the victims these days.
Vilification of men has gone mainstream and, in this climate of unrestrained criticism, magazine articles with titles like "What are men for?" are commonplace. That any explanation is required just goes to show how bad things have become. Why is it so unsurprising that the guards pictured humiliating Iraqi prisoners were American women?
As western women sound off at us in their loud voices, we downtrodden men are expected to bow our heads in silent agreement - but perhaps not for much longer. Now we have a new champion. Step forward, BusterB. Here, he advises us on "Women to Avoid".
Many men might read this page and think, "Why bother? It's all so obvious!" To some of us it hasn't been. I used to cling to any woman who even so much as looked my way, until I figured out that most of them were more grief and trouble than they were worth. What kinds of women make the fucking you're getting not worth the fucking you're getting?
Any woman who says, "No means no." First, this marks her as a feminist. Second, it marks her as someone who believes more in theories in her head about how the world should be than she believes in reality. Anyone not steeped in feminist dogma knows that nobody, anywhere means no every time they say no. Women who can't acknowledge this reality are trouble. Besides, it's a stupid thing to say to anyone. It's insulting to those who care and ineffectual against those who don't.
June 10 2004
Crack-head Pete Docherty treated in Thailand
Pete Docherty: Likes crack
Pop star Pete Docherty, from The Libertines, wouldn't piss on us if we were on fire but he needs our sympathy as he battles his crack addiction at a monastery in Thailand. Run by an ex-marine, the Thamkrabok Monastery in Saraburi is reportedly the World's toughest drug rehab centre. According to The Sun newspaper, this will be Pete's daily routine.
Bamboo floggings
Poison and puking
Prayers
Manual labour
Piped in tapes of Buddhist monks chanting
Rice and water
What a bunch of sissies. The tough new Mango Sauce Rehab Clinic in Bangkok offers a far harsher regime. If he signs up, tragic Pete Docherty will be bundled into a tuk tuk at Bangkok's Don Muang Airport and taken on a white-knuckle ride through rush hour traffic to our clinic in the semi-flooded basement car park of a partially completed office building at Asoke Junction (stopping off at various jewellery retailers at the driver's discretion).
Our team of highly trained staff were previously employed as waiters at Tony's Entertainment Complex in Pattaya (See Tony's Pattaya: Nightmare on Walking Street) and have considerable experience of inflicting torment on hapless farangs. Under harsh strobe lighting, they will pester Pete to breaking point while Tata Young's hit single Sexy Naughty Bitchy is played at high volume on a continuous loop.
June 9 2004
Finding love at the World Trade Centre
The sleazy nightspots of Bangkok aren't the most fertile hunting ground for true love so I'm happy to report that the capital now boasts an alternative venue for lonely hearts on the pull. The Trimurti shrine, nailed to a corner of the World Trade Centre (now confusingly renamed Central World Plaza), has, over the last year, become a popular night time meeting place for hundreds of candle-waving young Thais intent on invoking true love from the triumvirate of Hindu gods - Brahma, Shiva and Vishnu.
Encouraged by stories of people meeting their dream partners shortly after visiting the shrine, most of the hopefuls are young women, aged between 18 and 35. Many claim that the god is especially magical in matching Thai women with foreign mates - a fact that won't be lost on Mango Sauce readers.
Worshippers often exchange success stories. "My friend came here before, praying for her boyfriend to return after they had quarrelled. Shortly afterwards, he came back," says Premikha, 28. She didn't reveal whether her friend's wandering lover buggered off again after he got his end away.
"You know, the holiest hours are at night, especially Thursday night at 9:30pm. The god descends to hear our prayers, and wishes then are likely to come true. Wearing red can also earn you special favouritism from the god," says office worker Premikha, who was sporting a red shirt.
The believers say that wishes should be made as specific as possible. "You need to be very precise and detailed. Even better, you should give the god some time frame in which you want your wish to come true," advised Joy, 27. She recalled her wish to meet her soul mate - whom she described to the god as a Caucasian foreigner who was a non-smoker and teetotaller who wanted to settle down in a legal committed relationship - within the space of three months.
June 8 2004
Thai massage with a happy ending
A traditional Thai massage (See Relax in a traditional Thai massage parlour) is, in some respects, like a cricket match where rain stops play or an opera where the fat lady doesn't get to sing. Thai massage with a happy ending - often regarded as the thinking man's choice - is a topic that cries out to be investigated (agh agh aaaagh, yeah baby, aaaaaagh...) but, realising that I might lack the willpower to "make my excuses and leave" my good friend, the Mango Sauce Health and Efficiency Correspondent, has kindly volunteered to fall on his (pork) sword.
Wandering down Sukhumvit soi 11 the other day I saw a gaggle of smartly dressed girls in beige uniforms outside a message parlour. Although they could have been trainee air hostesses for Nok Air I figured they were probably masseuses, and, having an hour or so to spare, I thought I'd pop in to have a little relaxation.
After entering the salon the manageress quickly produced a very attractive girl called Khun Poo who escorted me upstairs. I was shown into a large room with cubicles separated by curtains. Khun Poo indicated I should undress and discretely disappeared to re-appear two minute later wearing very short hot pants and a bikini top. Figuring my luck must be in here I laid back to enjoy an invigorating massage with, undoubtedly, a sensuous happy ending.
June 7 2004
Sexy Thai girls in uniform
Forget uniform night at The Cave (See The Cave: First fetish bar in Thailand). Sexy Thai tottie in uniform can be ogled practically everywhere in Bangkok. Most obvious are the university girls who are obliged to wear schoolgirl gear. To distinguish themselves from their younger sisters, the pretty ones often stretch the dress code to its limit.
Their white blouses are sprayed on and their black skirts are worn extra short ��� often with a split up the side. During term-time, crowded Skytrain carriages can sometimes resemble the upstairs dance floor at Soi Cowboy���s Baccara Bar. The mass transit system becomes a pervert���s paradise and Thai and farang men alike don���t know where to look (See College Lolitas arouse lustful hacks).
Thai hospitals can seriously raise your blood pressure. A visit to Bumrungrad is like stumbling into a 70s German porn flick ("Fick mein asche, Herr Doktor!"). The nurses are stunners and their spotless white uniforms are pure Benny Hill. The shapeless polyester smocks favoured by their western equivalents are reserved for the Mrs Mops who shovel shit in Bumrungrad Hospital���s toilets. The delightful Thai nurses look like they should work behind a cosmetics counter at Central Chidlom.
June 6 2004
Patpong go-go double trouble
My evil Siamese twin trawls Bangkok's seedy go-go bars every night, takes girls two at a time and shags them to within an inch of their lives. He's also got a massive cock and loads of money. I know this because many of them think that I'm him - and my popularity has soared as a result.
Last month, the flash git whisked a Soi Cowboy go-go dancer off for a dream holiday in Phuket. He said he'd phone her when she got back to Bangkok but, naturally, he didn't. When I was walking down Soi Cowboy last week, the furious little minx grabbed hold of me and launched into a tirade of abuse. By an extraordinary stroke of luck, I was rescued from this awkward predicament by a passing elephant.
The angry little fists pounding on my chest were unexpectedly brushed aside by its gigantic trunk. The playful pachyderm lifted me off my feet for a couple of seconds before presenting me to his handler. "He hungry" the man explained, holding out a 20 baht bag of cucumbers. Thank Christ they're not carnivores.
We ended up in Patpong - where I was immediately accosted by another of the guy's conquests. She pleaded with me to take her and her mate for round two. Out of curiosity, I asked her what had happened the first time. Apparently, my dodgy doppelganger took them back to his fancy hotel room and totally monstered them for eight hours - and they loved every minute of it.
She became quite flushed as she described the night's events and, after a few minutes of frotting herself, she guided my hand into her knickers to show off her aroused state. The big-cocked bastard had obviously made quite an impression on her.
June 5 2004
Thai girlfriend wrestles my anaconda
Those penis enlargement conmen are always sending me junk emails but, as we all know, their claims are bogus.
A questionable ligament cutting operation might make your knob a bit longer but it will also end up considerably floppier. Obese fellas can lose weight to achieve noticeable length gains but it takes a lot of effort. There has to be a better way.
Instead of making your cock bigger, why not consider making your sex-partner smaller? There's never been a better time to trade in your massive farang girlfriend for a smaller Thai one. Relative size is the key issue.
This is how Father Ted explains the concept to a baffled Dougal.
Now concentrate this time, Dougal. These (pointing to plastic cows on table) are very small; those (pointing at cows in field) are far away...
June 4 2004
My never-ending rants about farang women
Bangkok-based British blogger, Masie, has given me a slapped wrist.
I used to think this site was pretty funny, but now it's just getting boring. I can take a joke, but why the never-ending, venomous rants about farang women?
If we're such washed up, old, bitter, has-beens, and you're living in paradise, why the need for mile-long diatribes about "sex-starved farang shrew bitches?" Be happy, enjoy your 2500 blow jobs a day, fair play to you, mate. Leave us out of it.
Masie is a journalist by profession so I'm puzzled as to why she's telling me to stop writing about farang women - I certainly wouldn't presume to tell her what she can and can't write about. Her blog is pretty good, though (particularly the rather amusing piece about selling vibrators), so I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and an explanation.
Masie obviously didn't like my Zoe Shrew piece (See Zoe Shrew, 25, moves to Thailand) but it's hardly a venomous rant - more a gentle parody on a clever and attractive young farang woman accustomed to pouring scorn on her boyfriend without suffering any negative consequences. In Farangland, she could get away with it but, in Thailand, she loses her man within weeks. Perhaps Masie feels sorry for her but I reckon that she had it coming. Zoe might learn her lesson and treat her partner with a bit more consideration in future - but the likelihood is that she won't.
As I've said before, I normally enjoy the company of farang women but it would be fair to say that the Zoe Shrews of this world get right up my nose. I've little time for whiners of either sex (See Stop whining you jammy farang bastard) but girls like Zoe are in a league of their own. We've all sat through excruciating dinner parties where some Zoe-a-like is listing her boyfriend's faults - while he's sitting right next to her. Though her diatribe is buttock-clenchingly embarrassing, no one tells her to shut up. If a man were to do the same to his girlfriend, he would quickly attract the condemnation of the whole group - and rightly so.
June 3 2004
Sang Som: More than you wanted to know
The whisky distilleries of our imagination feature dungaree-clad old timers practicing centuries-old methods involving pure spring water and oak barrels. Thailand's rum-like whisky of choice is, of course, Sang Som but, given that a full bottle costs the same as one beer in a go-go bar, I think we can safely assume that the production facility bears little resemblance to a Jack Daniels advert.
Any myth that it might was quite literally exploded last month when a powerful blast ripped through a chemical plant in Nakhon Pathom. A huge alcohol tank, measuring 60 metres high and 36 meters in diameter, exploded injuring three workers. It was one of 24 identical tanks in building No. 1 of a factory operated by Thai Alcohol Plc.
June 2 2004
Thai Immigration Bureau: Room 101
Even if your papers are in order, it's natural to feel a little anxious when you visit the Immigration Bureau on Soi Suan Plu. This sign isn't going to calm your nerves, though. Check out the room number where you get your non-immigrant visa stamped. It's all rather Orwellian.
Here's the relevant extract from 1984 by George Orwell. In Chapter 5, the prisoner, Winston, is "softened up" by his interrogator, O'Brian.
"You asked me once," said O'Brien, "what was in Room 101. I told you that you knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world."
The door opened again. A guard came in, carrying something made of wire, a box or basket of some kind. He set it down on the further table. Because of the position in which O'Brien was standing, Winston could not see what the thing was.
"The worst thing in the world," said O'Brien "varies from individual to individual. It may be burial alive, or death by fire, or by drowning, or by impalement, or fifty other deaths. There are cases where it is some quite trivial thing, not even fatal."
Previously
June 2007
May 2007
April 2007
March 2007
February 2007
January 2007
December 2006
November 2006
October 2006
September 2006
August 2006
July 2006
June 2006
May 2006
April 2006
March 2006
February 2006
January 2006
July 2005
June 2005
May 2005
April 2005
March 2005
February 2005
December 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
