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August 31 2003
Thai girl fingers sticky pussy
Thon Buri resident Narisa Saitham, 26, came face-to-face with a leopard in her second floor dressmaking shop. Picking up a broom, she tried to shoo the big cat out. "Instead, it jumped on my broom and wouldn't let go. It was making so much noise I decided to call for help," she said. Police, assisted by a vet from Dusit Zoo, later captured the beast. With adhesive properties like that, I would have kept it as a fridge magnet.
Gratification delayed for Purachai

Deputy Prime Minister Purachai Piumsomboon
Deputy Prime Minister Purachai Piumsomboon is best known for his frequent official visits to the girlie-bars popular with westerners (well, wouldn't you?) though, bizarrely, he has always goaded the dancers to purrum-on rather than gerrum-off. We also have Mr P to thank for Thailand's 2.00am bar curfew. Now our Decency Tsar has been invited by the ruling Thai Rak Thai party to contest the Bangkok Governor election next June. If he accepts, Bangkok may slip a few more places down the world party-town rankings but, for now, he remains uncharacteristically tight-lipped.
Top US envoys shit themselves
A major terror alert was sparked this week when a speeding pick-up truck crashed through the wall of the heavily-guarded US Embassy compound on Wireless Road. It emerged later that the driver, lawyer Chao Meekhuad 36, was neither a terrorist nor a drunk but merely an ordinary bloke driving in typical Thai fashion. He was fined B1,000 ($24/£15) and sent on his way.
Wife killer walks free
The suspended sentence and 50 hours of community service handed down by the Criminal Court to former lecturer Pipat Lueprasitsakul 45, for the brutal murder of his wife, was upheld by the Court of Appeals. Convinced that she was being unfaithful, he battered her to death with a golf club at their Sukhumvit home late on July 17, 2001. The Court felt that he wasn't a bad guy but only did wrong out of anger and jealousy and should be allowed to walk free. That's ok then. I wonder if my ex-wife would fancy coming over for a golfing holiday.
August 30 2003
Visa run to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Petronas Twin Towers, Kuala Lumpur
Voted one of the world's least friendly cities, Kuala Lumpur (KL) in Malaysia is not the most obvious place to get a visa. It has its supporters though, so last week I went there to see for myself.
The ideal visa run is quick, hassle-free and cheap. For me, this means air travel, taxis and half-decent hotels - but all at a bargain price. Readers who actually enjoy 24 hour bus rides and studying the lifecycle of the cockroach should look away now. My expenses are listed at the end.
KL may be unfriendly but it's no worse than London. It's seriously multicultural so westerners attract little attention here. In fact, going around unnoticed makes a pleasant change from the scrutiny you get in Bangkok - "mumble mumble farang mumble mumble farang etc..."
Best of all, KL is dirt-cheap. Hotels, taxis, food and almost everything else cost more or less the same as in Bangkok. The fake goods are even cheaper but, for now at least, the DVDs have vanished. I bought a quality TAG Heuer watch for RM100 ($26/£16). You don't see copies this good in Bangkok but I still wouldn't chance it in the shower. Sadly, there are no bargain electronics. Hong Kong it is not.
August 29 2003
Farang pervert stalks Thai girls on Bangkokchat
Bangkokchat bans naughty boys who break the rules. This bloke must have slipped through the net.

Farang Bangkokchat pervert
>> HornyGuy has joined room #bangkokchat
ThaiGirl> Hello ka
HornyGuy> Hi
ThaiGirl> i from Thailand
HornyGuy> I know that, stupid
ThaiGirl> sorry honey :-(
ThaiGirl> u want talk with me?
HornyGuy> Why should I?
ThaiGirl> forget it mai pen rai
HornyGuy> Hey wait a minute
ThaiGirl> what?
HornyGuy> Sorry I'm just a bit paranoid.
ThaiGirl> ???
HornyGuy> I 'think too much'
ThaiGirl> why honey?
HornyGuy> I'm hiding from the cops
HornyGuy> The boys in brown
ThaiGirl> LOL
HornyGuy> Don't fucking laugh at me
HornyGuy> It's no joke
ThaiGirl> what u do?
HornyGuy> You don't want to know
ThaiGirl> i do
ThaiGirl> pleeeeeease honey na na na ;-)
HornyGuy> I fucked an elephant
HornyGuy> Hello?
August 28 2003
My wife is a minger. Should I run away to Thailand?

My wife is a minger
This is the question that many men ask themselves each time they put down their heavily-soiled copy of Asian Babes.
Do you have what it takes to start a new life in the exotic East?
Yes? Then why not put yourself to the test.
- Do you want to teach English and get paid with pretty sea shells and colourful beads?
- Do you like shy girls who hide behind towels and only let you get it in half-way?
- Do you want to live with a raddled prostitute who cheats you into financial ruin before buggering-off back to her drug-dealing Thai boyfriend?
- Do you want to become a fat, tedious, no-mates twat with a bottle of Chang beer welded to your hand?
- Do you want to amuse the ladies of the Nana Disco with your ridiculous dyed comb-over whilst trying to coax them back to your filthy cinder-block cell for a grudging sympathy-fuck?
- Do you want to buy a dream bar, go broke and stage a dramatic death-plunge from your Pattaya balcony?
If you can answer yes to at least three of these questions, then get ready to pack your bags. You're off to live in Thailand!
August 27 2003
Snooker legend Jimmy White pesters me in Bangkok

Jimmy White
I was out with a mate last night and we ran into snooker legend Jimmy White in Flyers bar. When asked what he was doing in Bangkok, he said "same as you, I suppose".
After we had shaken him off, we went to The Dollhouse on Soi Cowboy. As the drink started to kick-in, I groped some random gogo dancer. I didn't realise that she was the manager's girlfriend, but he took it quite well. He turned out to be a good (and forgiving) bloke and, at the close, we all went for a beer at his place.
August 26 2003
Taking Bangkok's knickers down and spanking its bare bottom

Well how else would you describe Mango Sauce?
My name is David and I'm crazy about Bangkok. Sharing the sordid details helps me to get more out of my life here. What's the point of shagging a fat lass if you can't tell the lads?
You may have found this site by entering some naughty words into a search engine but it won't be gridlocking your network with gigabytes of sizzling Asian smut. There are a million websites dishing out the erotic ammo for a lunchtime power-wank but only a few offer lively commentary about living the good life (and the low life) in Bangkok.
Mango Sauce isn't shy about getting its tits out for the lads but it offers more than just a quick grope. Bangkok is a fascinating city. If Mango Sauce can capture just part of the thrill of living here, it will be doing well. The canvas is wide and no topic is off-limits (except visiting temples).
Doesn't taking a prurient interest in Bangkok sleaze give you that warm fuzzy feeling too?
Thanks for visiting Mango Sauce. I hope you will love it long-time.
Regards
David
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